Proper diary catch up

I managed to complete my second placement which was with a health clinic and despite a bit of a to do with mentors I did end up with two of the nicest people one could hope for. So I now know exactly what Health Visitors do and I've have had an amazing insight into many more aspects of health care in the community, which I have enjoyed immensely.

However, I have once again had the inevitable panic and near nervous breakdown that comes with an assignment being due in. The first thing that happens when you know you have a deadline is of course your brain freezes, but you don't worry because you have 3 weeks, so it's not a problem. Two and a half weeks later the frozen brain hasn't defrosted and you have only done a paragraph and that was squeezed out a word at a time. It's not that I haven't tried, in fact I was drowning in the amount of research I'd printed out, it was enough to keep a paper mill in recycled stuff for years. That's what I hate about research, more often than not you know what you want to say but you have to find someone else who said it before you, why? because they didn't sit around with frozen brains, they got it on paper and printed and published, that's why.

I've done it now but it didn't happen without incident, I have a frozen neck and shoulder and I had a right funny turn on Friday night. So once again I am wondering whether I can continue to drive myself to the brink for the next two and a half years. I don't know, I really don't.

Hubby has decided to take early retirement in May and he's already fitting nicely into the roll of potterer with a tan. I wonder if my brain freeze has anything to do with the fact that he's out there in MY garden while I'm plonked at a computer with a bad neck.....Hmm!!

Diary of a student nurse who's hubby needs a slap.

What do you do when your garden pond springs a leak?

Do you just fix it?

Or...do you decide to build another pond alongside it so the fish have somewhere nice to swim while you repair it?

Someone please get my hubby a job pronto because my garden looks like a building site!

Upside down.

I was made the wrong way round I think. Hubby and son were made redundant and for a while now we’ve had to be soooooo careful with the funds. It’s amazing what lengths you can go to with a chicken, I hold the record at making one last for 4 days. There’s a hundred and one different recipes using a tin of beans as well and if you find a bit of meat at the back of the freezer it’s party time.


I don’t ever want to forget the brilliant things this having to struggle a bit has brought into our house, we’ve been closer than ever and we have valued every bit of teamwork. I truly am afraid that if we get money coming in and don’t have to worry about day to day costs again, we’ll lose this.


Daft isn't it.

The hill....revisited.

As there is a very real possibility that me John and Mike will be living in a cardboard box sometime soon I thought it would be a good plan to do something today that would tempt the feel good endorphins out of hiding. After careful deliberation over a massive bacon and egg batch (endorphin producing food) I suggested we climb Helsby Hill again, after all we'd really enjoyed that ramble last time we did it.

What I hadn't accounted for was the fact that it was two years since we last went up there and my fitness level has decreased considerably due to spending most of that time on my rear. Sitting in class all day and studying all night surprisingly does not produce a marathon runner. Anyway I had to have five rests and stop twice because my legs went all funny, but I got to just before the summit without too much drama. As we rounded the corner there was a thin path above a shear drop and some sandstone tablet type rock which looked harmless enough so on I strode. Now! if you happen to have a bit of a problem with heights you'll know all about that feeling of frozenness and the surging desire to throw yourself off the thing, despite knowing that you definitely will die horribly if you do. This is a feeling which makes no sense whatsoever and I've never come across anyone who could explain the absurdity of it to me. I was there spread out, grappling with bits of grass and stuck frozen flat against the sandstone wailing, could I move a muscle....no could I heck. Eventually John dragged me up and we had coffee sitting in the sun which was nice, he also found another way to get back down which I was relieved about because by now there was a party of school kids up there and I didn't fancy an audience when I next lost the plot.

I'm not sure whether the feel good endorphin thing worked because the amount of adrenalin that must have been circulating when I was stuck has probably taken years off my ticker, but at least while that was happening I was thinking the cardboard box house seemed like a nice idea.

Like many people my men are facing the possibility of being unemployed because the company they work for has gone into administration, it's a scary prospect, especially for my hubby who has been there since he was in his twenties. It might challenge us but it's in no way going to destroy us.

Praise God for the continued strength I am Blessed with.

Brrrr!!

This weather is causing many strange things to happen in my world, as I imagine it is in other peoples. I nearly didn't go back to uni but I did and I loved it, but it was short lived because we were there, then a day later we were sent home early, we then went back when everywhere else had decided to close, that lasted half a day and now we've been told it's closed until the 18th of January. It feels kind of unreal.

Yesterday our Mike's car was stuck half on and half off the drive, it's a sporty thing and rear wheel drive (not that I know the significance of that) so it apparently gets all moody when it sees ice and either refuses to move or does a stroppy dance all over he road. Anyway, although I had a huge amount of studying to do I decided it might be nice to get my wellies on and shift a bit of snow in order to get the bad tempered vehicle off the pavement. Well! I can't begin to tell you just how much I enjoyed that couple of hours, it was magic, the sun was out and in minus whatever degree it was I worked up a right sweat. The sweat wasn't all that lovely but the endorphins in it made me giggle and I was momentarily tempted to make a snowman all on my own, however there were no children around who I could use as an excuse for my behaviour so I went inside and made a full English fry up instead which produced even more endorphins.

I was considering studying in the den in the garden because it looks sooooo pretty covered in snow and I could imagine I was in Switzerland, especially as the pond is frozen solid and perfect for a skate. But I decided not to because I had visions of fish eyes looking at me from under the ice or falling through it and decapitating one of them. I may however set up a soup kitchen down there if we're still snowed in come May.

There is a very real danger that I may have to eat my words if there are any power cuts due to this Arctic weather as well. How much did I scoff at my hubby when he announced (in the middle of summer) that he'd purchased a little generator thing, I made a meal of it and he said nothing. How I wish I had just said 'what a wise buy that was dear'

Before uni gave in to the weather we had a lecture on basic chemistry and I was amazed at how much I enjoyed it, I really do love this learning......until the next deadline anyway!!

Hats on for 2010.

Last night I got to thinking about all that had happened in 2009, New Years Eve does that, it makes you reflective. After feeling a bit rubbish health wise for oooow!! about 8 weeks now I thought I'd be having a whinge but it suddenly dawned on me what an amazing year 2009 was for me and I reckon that the hat you wear has an awful lot to do with it.

Just take a minute to think about hats, they are after all one of the most unassuming yet powerful bits of attire as far as I'm concerned. This morning we took off for a brisk walk in freezing temperatures so what did we both naturally do, yep we rooted round for a hat and each of us selected one. Now I don't just pull any old hat out because I think they make a statement, you can bring forth a multitude of reactions when people look at your hat and I wanted to make someone smile today, so I chose a daft one


On the way home from our walk I tried to engage my hubby in a discussion about hats and the effect they have on the wearer and the observer. He was reluctant at first but I persisted and give him his due he did eventually act as though he was interested. Take for instance Davey Crocket I said, he had that small animal one with a long tail, you can't sit there and tell me that the raccoons saw that and smiled. I know if I was approached by a matron of yesteryear I'd be fixated on the hat, in fact it would almost certainly make me do my utmost to look tidy in my bed. Ascot on ladies day has always scared the life out of me, how on earth can you hold a conversation with seven feet of fruit and I always feel that the guards at the palace only have stiff furry hats to butt you with if you keep asking too many questions.

To be honest I think the day of the hats is coming, they've been planning to secretly control us for years, they know that once they are on our head we are that hat. So lets all make a stand in 2010 by making sure we only wear a hat that smiles at people.

That will fool the buggers!

Have a good one.

Wishing everyone a happy and peaceful Christmas.

The fabulous fifties.

I am working my way back to normality but it takes a while when you are fifty odd and feel eighty odd. Placement nearly finished me off and I wish I could say I loved it, but I can't because it was very hard work and I've had every horrid bug that ever walked the earth, or floated in the air or lurked unsuspectingly on any bit of anything. Thirteen and a half hour days with travel time either end are beyond me and so is putting make up on without glasses because I've poked my eye out twice. I can no longer stand up and put tights on because I will always end up hurtling across the bedroom floor and knocking myself senseless on the pointiest object in sight. When I need to turn over in bed I have to position my hands securely around my right knee and hip and flip them over, but not too energetically or I end up smothering myself and because of the dodgy hip I can't flip back. So I gasp into the pillow until John finally realises I'm on my last legs, then he digs me and my sympathetic nervous system kicks in 'voila' I'm on the other side crippled with cramp and wide awake.

So! despite my brain still acting like it's twenty one my body has made it crystal clear that I am now in that wonderfully liberated age group who can't eat a dish of trifle without a bib.

Happy.

I'm tireder than the tiredest sloath that ever dragged itself across a tree trunk, but my second day on placement has been better than the first and I know I'll get used to these long days eventually. It's been a good day today, I got to spend plenty of time with the patients, learned a lot and gained some confidence. On that note I'm off to bed with my hot chocolate and the reflection can wait until tomorrow.

One forward two back.

Well I managed a day on the ward on Tuesday and nothing slightly 'carry on' happened apart from me asking the patients if I could repeat the obs just to make sure I had the right reading, bless them all for being so lovely with a newby, especially as they were probably feeling they could do without it. At times I felt out of my depth and at other times I felt totally within my comfort zone, it was just one day though. I was off Wednesday and today and I had hoped that tomorrow and Saturday would see me emerging as a confident obs person at the very least. However I felt a bit under the weather yesterday and didn't sleep at all well last night so off I trundled to the docs this morning and he signed me off until Monday.....very frustrating but sensible.

Diary of a student nurse. 2

A landmark is coming up and I feel it must be recorded. I am being let loose on the general public on Tuesday when I get to wear a uniform and actually work on a real ward as a student nurse. I'm very nervous because all of a sudden I'm on the other side of the fence and I know nothing about the basics like making them envelope beds, I did have a go on the manual handling course and it looked easy peasy, but it wasn't. I've had lots of encouragement from people and I think I'm ready, I just keep getting this mental picture of some carry on film where I cause a load of havoc on my first day.

Never thought I'd get to this point, I'm excited and nervous....arghh!!!

Chris.

Happy Birthday babe,

We miss you more today than we did yesterday and tomorrow we'll miss you more than we did today.

Love you always and forever. x

Part two.

This is a valuable tool this reflection thing. I'm going to use my blog more in future because it was a good reference to how I felt yesterday and how I now feel having reflected......

After sorting through everything I can sum it up by saying I was probably uncomfortable because I tend to celebrate Chris's life and if I'd got up and talked about my experience, I might have felt that the other students would view me as a bit blase. I also acknowledged that everyone does it different and that will be the case as I go through my nursing career (yep I'm staying put for now). I honestly didn't think I had a problem with over seriousness, but it just goes to show that I might have had. Good that it's now been flagged through reflecting though eh!

Reflection

This word 'reflection' is everywhere at the minute, we spend a huge amount of time learning about it at uni, doing it and then writing about it, so I thought I'd compose this entry in a reflective log sort of way, for practice, you see. So here we go, since starting I've had:

• High expectations
• Overload
• Where do I fit into all of this?
• Excited
• Exhausted
• Learning
• Overwhelmed
• Getting to grips momentarily
  
• Doubting
• Reminding myself why I'm here
• Feeling I can make a difference
• Block
  

This mornings lecture was about bereavment/dying and the fact that it was still considered to be largely a taboo subject in our culture. We were encouraged to talk about our experiences, but hardly anybody did because it was conducted in such a way that you could hear a pin drop. I understand that respect and empathy should be top of the list when dealing with people who are facing the end of their lives, as it should also be when communicating with family and friends of the dying person. But what I can't get my head round at the moment is why this lecture went so badly and why it changed me from being somebody who was able to share my story freely in my college course, to someone who conformed to keeping it a taboo subject by only offering the information that I'd lost my son. There wasn't any point in the lecture where I felt I could be honest and share my experience because it was far too tense and felt like it was designed to be a councelling session for the class.

I've always thought I could make a difference and I know I could, but maybe the hoops you have to jump through to actually get there take up far too much valuable time that could be spent making that difference to all the people in your life who miss you. I really want to be a nurse, but in order to continue I have to become selfish and put myself first and it just doesn't feel right at the moment.

These two things have presented me with a bit of a block so I will reflect on it all tomorrow and no doubt learn from it.

Zzzzzz!

First week.

I can't believe that the first week at uni has gone and we're half way through the second. I can barely remember what we got up to every day last week, so I'm doing a quick round up, then I'll know, when I look back.

We filled lots of forms in, found rooms where we have to be and the times we have to be there, for the next five or so weeks anyway. Most rooms are off a very long corridor which has already been named 'the green mile'. All eating places have been located and the favourite has been chosen. We've met all the staff. Our personal log-ins for various things don't always work and the computers are even more moody than mine, so I feel quite at home with that one. We're assured that they will behave once the proper term starts, it's us new one's who are messing it up, because the system is programmed to activate all log ins and emails on the day the rest of the world comes back. I've been told to get a sticker for the car or I will have to park in Sainsburys, but they aren't issuing them until the official start of term........ The fellow students are lovely and a few of us have already made provisional plans to have a curry day where we will all bring bits and pieces towards a banquet. I seem to have talked a bit more about food than study, all normal there then.

We had team building on Friday afternoon, where I played lots of things ending in ball and whilst running for a footy I went flying and slid across the sports hall.

I like Glyndwr and I'm glad I chose it.

Much emotional.

I'm here every five minutes lately, I think that tends to happen with me when emotions are involved, not that I was overly emotional about the raised bed, but I couldn't miss an opportunity of a wee laugh, and me and John did giggle about it.

I've had an emotional day today and I've cried a bit, to be truthful, I've cried a lot.

Meeting up with Andy on Wednesday started me off, he's been such a precious friend since 2004 and I was gutted that I might not get to see him this year, so it was a bonus that we managed to hastily arranged Banbury.Traditionally we meet up every year to join the many people in Hyde Park who take part in the race or support the entrants in an effort to raise funds and awareness for the Cystic Fibrosis Trust. I can't be there this year because I'm starting uni and I will miss those special people and our once a year hugs so much.

This morning I'd arranged to meet C (one of Chris's nurses) in the cafe at the CF unit. The reason for me wanting to meet her there was, that I'd realised I no longer needed her to visit me on a professional basis, as she has done since we said goodbye to Chris. So many times when she'd been out to see me I'd wanted to ask for her mobile number because we got on so well, but it didn't seem right somehow. I think we both knew that while it was still C visiting Chris's mum it had to stay on a professional level and now I believe it was right.

As I start on a new path in my life I wanted to tell her something that's been on my mind for a long time. I wanted to thank her so much for being there for Chris and for me. Nobody can ever take away the memory of the words he said to me time after time 'I like C a lot, she always takes the time to talk to me' She's a special person and an even more special nurse and if I can do the same for someone as she did for Chris then I'll be very happy. We are going to meet up again, but it will be to shop and do coffee because now is the right time to just be mates.

Later today I met up with two lovely friends I'd made on the access course. We all know we want to keep in touch, but we also know it isn't going to be the same as it was when we shared the daily ups and downs at college. So I was off again, sniffling into my coffee. I am so going to miss everyone, especially V who is and will always be, very special to me. I am so glad I did that course when I did.

Special day.

Yesterday's journey to Banbury couldn't have been smoother thanks to my sister's co-piloting. We met up with our good buddy Andy, wandered round the shops, then went to see the 'Lady on the horse' at Banbury Cross. After tucking into a delicious meal we went in search of a navy cardi to complete my uni list (I know how to keep my friends entertained you know). After another wander round the shops and much talking/laughing, we rounded off with cake and coffee. It's priceless spending time with good friends, even more so when they live hundreds of miles away, so glad I got the opportunity.

Magical Mystery Tour.

Still can't find the thing that lets you change font colour and style, so will have to continue to blog in boring old black standard shaped font.

Had a cracking time at The Mathew Street Festival yesterday and wasn't a bit put off by the length of the queue at the railway station, it all adds to the fun. The 'how many people can you fit in a British Rail carriage' would have thrown me into a complete panic a few years ago and I would have been jamming my face out of the 2 inch gap (all they allow the window to open). However my new found ability to get in a lift has opened up a new world and I can now cope with bits of claustraphobia here and there, which is just as well because it was sardine like in that carriage and I got far closer to fellow travellers than was comfortable. You could tell everyone felt the same though because we were all avoiding each others eyes and when they did meet we smiled and then started to talk loudly (across the many heads) to the people we were with to reinforce that we weren't actually enjoying the fact that our arm was wedged where it was.

The weather was kind, the food was yummy and all the people were there to have a good time. I just love this festival.



Tomorrow I'm off to Banbury in Oxfordshire, this will be a challenge as I tried to get there once before two years ago and didn't find it. After driving for nine and a half hours I arrived back home and our Mike asked me if I'd be trying it again. I said 'too right I will, it wont beat me' I have a map book, a sat nav and an AA route planner on board for tomorrow, together with a tent because I am not coming back till I find it.

Secret garden update.

Someone really needs to give my hubby a lesson in 'small is beautiful' sometime.

I asked him to make me a raised bed for the secret garden, he loves working with wood (despite being allergic to sawdust) so I knew it would be a work of art and I gave him the measurements. I hold my hand up here and admit that I did say 8ft long by 3ft wide, but the timber we were looking at was thin. He ordered the wood and when it arrived alarm bells should have rung, but I assured myself he was planning to make two (as I thought I'd previously mentioned).

I'll pause here to say it's nobody's fault that I now have a magnificent wooden enclosure that could, if planted with edible stuff, feed our village for a year. Alternatively, I could breed a herd of wilder beast in it, or line it and have a luxury swimming pool. I haven't even begun to work out the cost of filling it with soil, but it's going to be at least 50 big bags.

So! how much did this raised bed cost?

Wood - £105
Delivery - £5
Stain - £10
Screws - £14 (well they were brass)
New circular saw - £50
Compost/soil of some sort - £150 (guessing)
Things to grow in it - anything from £50

Total - £384

And there was me worrying about a plant I bought for it that will grow to 3ft wide by 3ft high, it will be in plant heaven stretching it's little feet out and wiggling it's toes. Winnie however is well impressed with the hugeness of the new litter tray.



I've had a mare of a time with blogger tonight, could someone please tell me where the choice of font and colour have gone because I'm going to bed now, before I do something I'll regret a lot.