Going up.

I'm getting to be a right little blogger lately cos here I am again :D

I made a decision this morning to see the counsellor in college about my problem. I decided to seek him out and chuck the ball in his court, but it didn't quite work out that way. I actually bumped into him as soon as I walked in this morning and he said 'is everything going ok' or words to that effect. I blurbed it straight out 'I need your help' and he looked slightly startled for a minute, probably wondering what the heck I was going to ask him to solve. I explained, no I didn't, I whinged in a babbling manner about not being able to get in a lift.

To cut a very long story short he gave me two options, the short way or the long way. My course doesn't have all that long to run now so I chose the short option and I've been in one twice today. It was terrifying and I cried like a baby, but I did it. I just have to keep practising now and I will. Bless him, he even had the maintenance guy meet me and explain that he had a special key that would open the doors of he lift at any point. I also had a gang of trusty mates willing me on and my lovely friend in the lift with us.

I've accomplished a massive thing today and I would never have guessed that signing up to do a course would be the start of getting rid of a phobia, but hey!!! God works in mysterious ways.

1+1=3 or is it?

Back to it tomorrow and I have a couple of things I need to address

• Numbers.


• Lifts.

1. I have to be capable of not over or under dosing the patients....right.

The week before we broke up I failed the level 2 numeracy miserably. Numbers are a mystery to me, I can add, subtract, multiply, divide and other such simple things in my head, I know my tables backwards and can do the hey diddle diddle one's, but the minute it has more than one calculation and asks for the answer in a percentage, I flap, and my eyes only see the arrow that says 'next question'. Anyway today at church I got talking to a lovely girl who is also doing an access course, not to nursing though, hers is to science. She asked how I was getting on and I said fine except for the maths, 'Oh I'm really good at maths' she said. I was impressed, I get impressed when someone is really good at something I find difficult. Like when they come to fit a carpet, they fling it down any old way, push and prod and it fits perfectly, that impresses me a lot. I wandered then! Anyway she's going to sort me out next week after the service and I've decided it will click this time.

2. I can't stick the patient in a lift and say 'I'll meet you upstairs'...can I.

While I've been off this week I've been up and down to the hospital because my Auntie is in. I've been taking my mum up and she requires a wheelchair and an able body to wheel her. So far so good. Now we come to the lift, the door opens and I push my mum in, I manage to get my toes in and then I ask the nice people in the lift to push my mum out on the 2nd floor and I run in the opposite direction. I don't have a strategy in place as yet to get over this claustrophobia thing, but it's not going to beat me. I'm sure they have classes for such phobias, I mean people get over the fear of spiders, snakes and heights, I've seen them on telly.

If anyone out there has conquered a fear thing then I'd be interested to know how you did it.

Thank you very much.

Silly spend

You know when you think you 'must have' a certain thing, even though there's a naggy little voice repeating down your ear 'NO', we've all done it, surely?

Well I decided I must have this conservatory furniture, it was a snip, couch and two chairs with matching table and four chairs - £150, what a bargain. Off I went to the local DIY shop, (where I used to work) to plead for the van. Having secured it for a couple of hours I smiled a lot because I now enjoy driving different vehicles.

As soon as I saw the furniture that voice in my ear went very loud and shouted 'NO ITS TOO BIG'. I muttered back at it 'I can turn it sideways, shut up'. We had to dismantle the conservatory door at my Aunties house to get it out and the voice of reason smirked 'told ya'. I ignored it yet again because I had to have the damn thing.

Only the couch and two chairs would fit in the van so I had to leave the table and chairs there, to be picked up when I could scrounge the van again.

I don't think you have to be particularly intelligent to work out the end of this little tale, do you. I've had a nightmare of a time with it and it's now going to live in the cabin because it wont fit where I wanted it to, but will I listen to that naggy voice next time? Nope of course I wont.

Why do they make door holes so small and furniture so big?

Mike and Sophie have been ice skating tonight and I have a yen to do it, so I've added it to my 1-10 list. Incidentally my first proper date with John was at the Silver Blades ice rink in Liverpool, what a scream that was, I'm sure I have a wee pic taken in one of them booths, ahhhh! to be 16 again :D

Back to college Monday so I'm chillin big time tomorrow, it's been really good to have a week at home and spend time with people who mean a lot to me, but I'm hungry for more knowledge now.

Elated (big huge grin)

I passed the biology exam today and as long as I pass the 5 assignments, I'm there with that one. I did ok in sociology and got a good mark, pschycology I felt went ok, (won't know for definite till after half term), but................. I think I've passed the third module. Woooohoooo!!

Only two more modules to go now, I think I can do this. It's been very tough but the feeling I have tonight is indescribable.

Special thanks to every single one of you who have encouraged me and a big thank you to Vicky who sorted my head out for biology last night.

Blessed to bits I am.

Under pressure...

Getting my place at Uni was fab but it's conditional on passing this course, two down for this module, two to go, maths on Thursday should be ok but passing Biology this time will require nothing short of a miracle. Say one for me people....pleeeeze!

Student Nurse proper.

Oh my goodness!

Oh my goodness again!

I have offers from both of the universities I had interviews at. I can't beleive it really and I'm crying very very happy tears. Me doing a degree in nursing!! How Blessed am I eh! It's difficult to put across exactly how I'm feeling right now. Wildly happy about where my life is going and deeply sad that Chris isn't here to share it with me just about sums it up.

This has been one very emotional week.

Excited and a tad nervous.

This is a new emotion for me, I haven't felt this twittering in my tummy for many a moon. I have an interview at a university tomorrow and another one on Thursday. Considering I was leaving college last week, I now have to get my 'I really really want to be a nurse' head back on.

I had a freak out the last few last weeks and was torn between forging ahead and thinking only of myself, or packing college in and (imagining) my being at home was better for everybody. I'm human and I get things a bit puddled in my head sometimes, but I'm sorted now, just a tad nervous about the interview thing. I hate the grey questions like 'why do you want to be a nurse' and why did you choose this university, though my mate did set me in good stead for saying why I want Wrexham tomorrow.

1. Because I've always wanted to speak Welsh.
2. Because I love lamb.
3. Because I don't have to pay.

Thank you to everybody who put up with my whining recently and to all who have given me good old sound advice or just kept me busy with general chit chat. You're stars all of you.

Much love
Nervous Chester.

Edit
The interview went ok I think, I talked a lot and I smiled a lot, in fact I grinned from the minute I went in until I exited, now I'm wondering if they think I took any of it seriously. I had the good fortune to have worked with one of the interviewers and don't think I ever upset him all them years ago (except the times when I worked in the kitchen and ate his dinner then said there hadn't been enough for him). He couldn't interview me of course, that wouldn't be right, but I'm hoping he might tell one or two of the panel that I'm an ok lady.

How's this for an essay title:

'The factors affecting the domestic division of labour and power relations between couples'

I am the least feminist person you will ever meet, but I feel that to pass this one, I may have to burn my bra.