This grief thing is very harsh and unrelenting so I’ve sat myself down and asked, what can I do to make damn sure I have some lightness in my life right now and I came up with, why not blog about what’s made me smile. So, here goes.

Barry and Chris telling me they’ve sponsored a raggy old moggie called Lenny in Chris’s name.

The text conversation with Mike.

Mike – How r u doin 2day mum?
Me - I’m doing ok babe, what about you?
Mike – I’m ok, im glad ur ok, I hope that’s the truth mother.
Me - It’s the truth son x

Spending last night with my sis and cousin in the hot tub outside in the rain, wearing stoooopid hats and eating copious amounts of Indian takeaway.

The secret timetable that my family and friends have on the go which produces bods out of nowhere ensuring I'm kept amused.

Teaching my friend how to use her pc, I just love enthusiasm.

Texts and emails that talk about the weather, food and the universe etc…

That’s made me smile just typing them.

Take care all.
Sue x

Its sodding me off now that I can't get the paragraphing right, so its staying as it is.

I managed to stay on my feet yesterday, which is a first for me as I usually faint on such occasions. As soon as we walked into the chapel I got my ‘calm’ this has been a truly amazing thing that’s clicked in numerous times over the past two months and it enabled me to take in every minute of Chris’s service, one that he had planned down to the last detail.

I was also a very proud mum yesterday, the amount of people who came and the wonderful things they said about Chris were a tribute to him and said what we have always known, that he was a ‘top bloke’. The messages for his friends and family which were written in his diary and to be read out were inspiring to say the least and lots of people remarked that it had made them stop and think and hopefully get out there and enjoy every day.

A nice touch back at the pub was twenty four white helium balloons which everybody wrote a message on then we released, it was a mesmerising moment with crowds of us standing in the road staring at the sky until all but one balloon disappeared into the clouds, I like to think that one stayed there a little bit longer to let us all know that he was watching…….at this point he’d say….ok, ok shut it now mother, so I will.

Eric got everyone in floods as did ‘we are soldiers’ previously arranged by Chris.

Take care all
Sue x

Just a quick blog to let everyone know we’re ok, all that needs to be done is done and I’ve been told tomorrow is a chill day for me, however I’ve secretly written a list which makes sure I’m on the go until at least teatime. I managed to get 2 hours gardening in today, it was a tonic and charged my batteries. Doing something you enjoy is a must, even though you think it’s the last thing you can be arsed doing…..just do it, because it seems to release those hormones that are in very short supply just now.

Once again a huge thank you to everybody for the messages and cards, I’m much overwhelmed.

Take care
Sue x

Yesterday wasn’t the best I’ve had so far, due to much red tape in Manchester things were made harder than they already are for a family who have lost someone close to them. We could have done without it, but rules are rules and I don’t stand a chance of changing them alone, note to myself once my head is on the right way again, write a letter to voice my opinion on their procedure.

I’m totally amazed at the amount of messages, cards, flowers, visitors etc.. that have been pouring in for Chris, the things people are saying and the sheer numbers that have asked if they can come to the funeral is mind boggling, I know he was liked but never imagined just how far that spread.

John was in Chris’s room yesterday looking for something and decided to pick up his diary, for some reason he flicked to the back and found an entry which was a change of music for the beginning of his service, so its back to the printers pronto this morning, little git keeping me on my toes as usual.

Once again, many thanks for all the lovely cards and messages they really do make a huge difference.

Take care all.
Sue xxx

We’re all ok, working as a team and getting there. There’s so much to do and my control freak personality means I insist on doing everything myself, mind you that’s a good thing as it keeps me mega busy with little time to sit and think.

I took some time out yesterday to go sit in Chris’s room and while pondering I spotted his diary, he’d always said to me, you can read this after I’m gone you know. Now, I’m finding I only do things when I feel strong enough, and I reckoned I was, it turned out to be a positive move because by the time I’d read two pages I was laughing my head off, what a brilliant thing to be able to do at such a time, it didn’t surprise me one bit that he could continue to make me laugh because that’s Chris.

I’ve been reading the comments on my blog, the forum and email I’ve received, but struggle a bit at the moment to sit down and focus so thought a quick update on here would be a good move.

I’m basically a control freak and have to have a master plan for everything, so at the moment here its, if you’re struggling shout, text or ring saying “weak alert” this is the red button and will be answered immediately.

We miss our Chris like hell, but he decided when enough was enough and when that time came believe it or not he had a smirky smile on his face. The team at Wythenshawe are awsome but they had no chance as Chris has always had his own agenda and did things his way. We’d already discussed his arrangements for the public goodbye and he chose Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton because he said “that’ll get em all cryin”……bloody typical.

Thank you everyone for all the lovely messages of support for us you’ll never ever know how much its helped us, you’re stars all of you.

Take care
Sue, John & Mike xxx

Nite x

We had to say goodbye to Chris last night, God bless you and keep you safe until we meet again, we’re going to miss you so much. Nothing in this life will ever hurt us more than this.

Nite babe x

Ok, I sang at him yesterday, now I’m not saying that’s what did it, but there was a tiny improvement. I gave him my rendition of “wake me up when September ends” then told him straight, if you think you’re lying stinking in this bed till the end of September, you’re not……..NO CHANCE!! He’s still asleep at the mo and can’t tell me to shut it so today I might sing Grace Kelly, that’s a nice lively one.

I spent a night in my own bed, the first for over 5 weeks, this is also good. In the afternoon I mowed over a big cable in the garden which wiped out the electricity in the house and nearly fried me fish in the pond, this is not so good.