Ahem...

I've tried to update a few times in the last couple of weeks but never really had anything different to say, even after giving myself a slap. However *slaps* come in lots of different shapes and guises and they can say the same things you have said to yourself hundreds of times, but in a different way, thereby convincing you that you haven't really lost it and need carting off.

Some very valued friends who have more than enough on their own plates have been absolute gems and for that I'll be eternally grateful, others have stuck with me even though I've been the most booooooring company....bless y'all. However, the email I received the day before yesterday from Richard(Softie) really did make an impact, so much so that I wanted to put part of it on my blog, its made me smiley again and that's worth blogging about.

"I can imagine that your body has been running on high-octane stress hormones and adrenalin for years, and all of a sudden, as things improve and start to look really hopeful those hormones are drying up and you are going cold turkey, and the diesel fuel of day-to-day Get up, Wash, Cook is a poor substitute. So your blood pressure has come down, your muscles gone all limp, and nothing you do in a day is life-savingly important any more.

Imagine a wall, which had started to sag and bulge. That's Chris' health. It needed a lot of work to shore it up, and as things got worse so the timbers needed to keep it from falling got heavier and heavier. And you were those baulks of timber! And now the wall has been jerked upright by a miracle, and all those heavy baulks of timber have nothing to lean against and have fallen flat! That's how you might be feeling right now. And they are HEAVY timbers, it's going to take a while to pick them up and prop them upright on their own. And they will always tend to lean towards the wall for no good reason, just out of habit, and in danger of falling flat again any time there is nothing to prop up"

It makes a lot of sense, I rather like the bit about the hormones because its physical and I can deal with physical much easier than mental. So....enough's enough, I know why it happened and it has to go, pronto.

Thanks to all who understood and helped, it was a weird few weeks and I'm well on me way back to smiley suz now....Happy New Year to one and all.

Note to me..posted 31st Dec.

I think I need a *slap*

What's my problem?
I'll tell you what it is, I have nothing in particular to stress over at the moment so I'm considering adopting a child or two, preferably one's that are hard work. Why? when I should be the happiest person in the world have I suddenly become a miz, I don't want to tour the country, I don't want to laugh and joke and would you believe it....I'm not hungry.

I've been made redundant from my position as carer which is brilliant as it means Chris is on top form but I'm floundering a bit, not too sure what to do next, I think they call it a transition period, whatever its called I don't think much of it and will be glad when I move into definite next stage and get back to smiley suz. I remember reading on the cf forum some time back about a person who'd had a transplant and things went slightly pear shaped with their mum afterwards, unfortunately I cant find the thread because of the forum crash. Things are fine as regards my relationship with Chris but we don't seem to be doing much laughing in this house at the moment and its me not them. I even found myself saying to the lads this morning, I know I'm a bit of a pain in the arse at the moment but its temporary....honest. Naturally being lads they simply looked at me with raised eyebrows and stayed silent, probably the best move really.

I wasn't going to blog this episode but now I have its freed my mind off a bit and I'm going for a drive accompanied by very loud music, usually does the trick. Oh yeah and that kitten from hell that adopted us I am beginning to understand why somebody might have wanted to lose it. I love it to bits but she's dead naughty.

Mams and Dads

I've been spending some time making paper chains at my mums, arranged by our Chris without my knowledge, because he says I should see my mum more and do stuff with her. Him and Mike love their nan and think my sister, brother and I were so lucky to have her for a mum, I think thats great, but it was slightly different having her for a mum than it is for them being her grandchildren. I remember being chased down the road and getting clipped round the ear all the way back, then up the stairs and into my room where I remained without any tea..regularly.

I cant imagine what my parents reaction would be if when they were driving me somewhere I gave them a dead leg because we passed a tractor and they gave me one when we passed a gas van, one of Chris's made up games where I definitley come off worse because we live in a little village that has at least three farms. Neither do I think I'd have got away with singing "she's tall she's thin she's ugly as sin, its me mum, its me mum" or todays version "she's big she's fat, she wears a stupid hat etc..... I regularly get the lid of a yoghurt or straw from calshake shake wiped on my arm if I'm not quick enough to get away and yesterday I lost a sprout fight hands down.

Anyway, the subject of my blog today seems to be around families or rather parents, my dad was a fantastic person and its a shame my lads never got to spend more time with him, it would have been his birthday today so Happy Birthday Dad, Chris reckons if you'd stuck around longer he would have well beat you in the big fish stakes.

Ha ha ha I'm having a mare of a day

I remember saying in a previous post, if the all the best laid plans have to change..so what.
Now I have to practice what I preach and smile or hum loudly as my plans mess up, its hard, but up to now I'm winning...just.

As I had today completley to myself the plan was to spend some quality time with my sister, starting with a bite to eat then a wander round the shops, maybe make a start on some christmas shopping , as to date I haven't even purchased a christmas card, let alone any pressy's. However, sometime in the night our front door decided to rattle and bang, I heard one of the boy's getting up to see to it so went back to sleep confident they would sort it out. This morning I got up at the ridiculous hour of 5-30 to run John to work so that I could have our car for the fab day I had planned and what greeted me at the front door but a massive barracade, there was a big old tv, four boxes of ensure plus ,the old physio bed, a suitcase and numerous other boxes. Obviously these were meant to keep the door shut, but it wasn't and the wind and rain were howling through the hall, it was freezing.
While trying to secure the door I nearly de-capitated the adopted kitten, dressed and dashed to local supermarket before Chris went out for the day and caused no end of chaos at the till because the price on the shelf was different to the till, I was that desparate to get away I said I'd pay full price but no she was having non of it and called the manager, twenty minutes I was at that till for.

Cutting it short, I'm going nowhere today as window man can't come to fix the door until in the morning, just hope its early as I have an appt that I've been trying to get to since early August. I'm going in the attic now, to get the christmas tree down if I dont log on in the next couple of days will someone tell my family where I went. Thank you.

Apologies for lots of swearing in last blog, not very lady-like I'm told...

Quick Blog

This sat nav thing has come up a few times this last week and so far I've resisted the temptation to buy one, its been mentioned very un-subtley that I might like one for christmas as I tour the country a fair bit and purposefully get lost. I'm not totally against these gadgets but they sort of take the challenge out of getting somewhere you've never been before and they're so monotone. I've heard them and usually feel like saying "shut it you", why dont they give a loud round of applause when you get to your destination or say 'well done you'.
Imagine if they made them in a dominatrix style TURN F*****G RIGHT YOU STUPID B*****D OR YOU'VE HAD IT, now that would appeal to me, I'd buy one tomorrow. Even the subserviant....Erm, I think it might be a right at the next roundabout, If I'm wrong I'll clean your shoes for a week and you can smash me to bits, be a bit more interesting wouldn't it.

Chris went to clinic today, they are extremely pleased with his progress, his lung function is now nearly 80%, the doc said he could knock two more pills off the list and the peg can come out in Feb providing the weight gain continues, his appointments have gone to monthly instead of fortnightly and he jogged on the treadmill for the first time. How brilliant is that. One of the most amazing things for me to see is his total enthusiasm for life, he gets up with a grin and go's to bed with major plans for tomorrow....priceless.

I wrote this last night but it wouldn't publish, so just telling myself its the 6th, not the 5th.