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Well I managed a day on the ward on Tuesday and nothing slightly 'carry on' happened apart from me asking the patients if I could repeat the obs just to make sure I had the right reading, bless them all for being so lovely with a newby, especially as they were probably feeling they could do without it. At times I felt out of my depth and at other times I felt totally within my comfort zone, it was just one day though. I was off Wednesday and today and I had hoped that tomorrow and Saturday would see me emerging as a confident obs person at the very least. However I felt a bit under the weather yesterday and didn't sleep at all well last night so off I trundled to the docs this morning and he signed me off until Monday.....very frustrating but sensible.
A landmark is coming up and I feel it must be recorded. I am being let loose on the general public on Tuesday when I get to wear a uniform and actually work on a real ward as a student nurse. I'm very nervous because all of a sudden I'm on the other side of the fence and I know nothing about the basics like making them envelope beds, I did have a go on the manual handling course and it looked easy peasy, but it wasn't. I've had lots of encouragement from people and I think I'm ready, I just keep getting this mental picture of some carry on film where I cause a load of havoc on my first day.
Never thought I'd get to this point, I'm excited and nervous....arghh!!!
Happy Birthday babe,
We miss you more today than we did yesterday and tomorrow we'll miss you more than we did today.
Love you always and forever. x
This is a valuable tool this reflection thing. I'm going to use my blog more in future because it was a good reference to how I felt yesterday and how I now feel having reflected......
After sorting through everything I can sum it up by saying I was probably uncomfortable because I tend to celebrate Chris's life and if I'd got up and talked about my experience, I might have felt that the other students would view me as a bit blase. I also acknowledged that everyone does it different and that will be the case as I go through my nursing career (yep I'm staying put for now). I honestly didn't think I had a problem with over seriousness, but it just goes to show that I might have had. Good that it's now been flagged through reflecting though eh!
This word 'reflection' is everywhere at the minute, we spend a huge amount of time learning about it at uni, doing it and then writing about it, so I thought I'd compose this entry in a reflective log sort of way, for practice, you see. So here we go, since starting I've had:- High expectations
- Overload
- Where do I fit into all of this?
- Excited
- Exhausted
- Learning
- Overwhelmed
- Getting to grips momentarily
- Doubting
- Reminding myself why I'm here
- Feeling I can make a difference
- Block
This mornings lecture was about bereavment/dying and the fact that it was still considered to be largely a taboo subject in our culture. We were encouraged to talk about our experiences, but hardly anybody did because it was conducted in such a way that you could hear a pin drop. I understand that respect and empathy should be top of the list when dealing with people who are facing the end of their lives, as it should also be when communicating with family and friends of the dying person. But what I can't get my head round at the moment is why this lecture went so badly and why it changed me from being somebody who was able to share my story freely in my college course, to someone who conformed to keeping it a taboo subject by only offering the information that I'd lost my son. There wasn't any point in the lecture where I felt I could be honest and share my experience because it was far too tense and felt like it was designed to be a councelling session for the class.
I've always thought I could make a difference and I know I could, but maybe the hoops you have to jump through to actually get there take up far too much valuable time that could be spent making that difference to all the people in your life who miss you. I really want to be a nurse, but in order to continue I have to become selfish and put myself first and it just doesn't feel right at the moment.These two things have presented me with a bit of a block so I will reflect on it all tomorrow and no doubt learn from it.
