Massive blog

As promised to myself here I am doing a blog but I must caution anyone who's reading, you may be here until next week. This is mainly a reflection thing for me but it's also to reassure myself that I once had a life and regularly recorded memorable details about it.

I left off full of enthusiasm about my last placement which I was actually on at the time of writing. It continued to be a fabulous experience and I gained much knowledge in clinical skills.....except for the ventflon episode. I had taken out many ventflons (canula's) successfully but this one decided to pretend it was fine until I left the bay, whereupon it decided to bleed. My poor patient thought it best to come and find me instead of ringing the bell or asking the staff nurse (who was at the next bed) for help. Suffice to say by the time the patient found me you could follow her trail. I was mortified! but I clicked into first aid mode and the situation was quickly under control. That was 5 minutes before I finished my shift and I didn't sleep a wink that night. On return to the ward the next day the word had obviously got round and naturally the first task I was asked to do was remove a ventflon. This is the get back on the horse thing and it's scary, however I did it and many since without a hitch (phew!).

I can't begin to describe how many positive experiences I had on that ward but one in particular stands out above the rest. I was asked if I would like to look after an elderly patient who was challenging and I said I would because one of the things you have to get over is stepping out of your comfort zone. To cut a very long story short this patient had difficulties communicating and would sing rather than talk. I tried everything in the book but the only way I could get this patient to take meds and eat was to sing back instead of talking. For those who know me you are right in wondering why on earth anyone would prefer me to sing rather than talk. Imagine for a moment me, harmonising the words 'the roast chicken is delightful with creamy mash'. I don't think the patient actually liked my voice but the fact that I looked like a plonker was probably highly amusing and not a lot is, when you're in hospital. It was a learning curve which took communication to new limits but it entertained the whole bay and I loved it more than the ventflon episode.

Placement was great but the two assignments, the run up to Christmas and the horrid weather were a different story. I lost it once again and wanted to be a million miles away but as usual a couple of lecturers locked me in a room and pointed out all the positives and as usual I told myself they were right. On reflection Christmas is not the best time of year when you have lost a child and I think I'll always feel a bit more vulnerable at certain times of the year. That's ok though just as long as I don't go making any major decisions based on my psychological well being in 'the moment'.

For anyone still reading I suggest you get a warm drink and a biscuit because I could be wittering on for another hour or so.

Second year I am loving! It's stepped up and the workload is huge but it is much more applied to nursing as opposed to lots of theory. We have been separated from our cosy friends groups and now work within different groups for various subjects, some of which we have to constructively criticize each others work. I've learned a lot from this and now know I am a disorganised person in terms of study time but have strengths in how in depth I research, in fact the reason I am usually on the last minute is because I convince myself there will be a more recent piece of research and root for it relentlessly.

We had our first hands on simulation training this week and then an opportunity to join in with medical students in their 5th year. The simulation models are very real and Erick (the latest) breathes, talks, bleeds and has all his vital signs which are controlled by someone behind a screen. While taking part in various scenario's you are observed and if the controller feels wicked enough he can make Erick have every medical problem known to man.

I've hit many sensitive subjects and this module in particular is going to be one of the hardest but I have not yet shared my experiences with the class, why? I really don't know. A couple of the lecturers have said that it would be valuable for the other students if I did but I'm afraid I'll dominate the lecture, get upset or cry. Who knows maybe when the time is right I will.

Stooopidest thing of the year last year, submitting an assignment with the wrong word count and only just scraping a pass, in my favourite subject as well.....what a wally! Every module is a huge challenge and it takes every single bit of energy I can muster to keep up but I am still loving it with a passion.

Congratulations if you managed to stick it out until the end *grin*

If I only had time.........

I haven't updated this blog for ages and ages and lots of things are happening in my world on the nursey front. I am going to do an entry this weekend, there now! I've promised myself so I have to do it. Got to go, my chilli is ready.

Tor's Christmas Wish.

LLTGL Ambassador Victoria Tremlett is 23 years old. She's beautiful, clever, passionate and ambitious, but her life is currently on hold whilst she waits and hopes for a double lung transplant.

Tor has been waiting for over three and a half years now, and so knows her time is running out fast. She has decided to make a Christmas Wish, and we need you to help it come true. Please read what this incredible lady has to say and spread the word.

"My name is Tor and I'm 23 years old, however unlike most 23 year olds I am waiting for a double lung transplant to save my life. When I was put on the transplant waiting list I was told I had 18months to live, I have now been waiting 3 and 1/2 years, and it doesn't take much to see I am living on borrowed time.

I use oxygen 24/7 to support my failing lungs, a wheelchair to leave the house, the majority of my day is dedicated to medical treatment just to try and keep me stable. The smallest tasks like getting dressed, combing my hair and brushing my teeth leave me absolutely exhausted and my mum has to help me with everything.

My Christmas wish would ultimately be to get the transplant I so desperately need, but due to the shortage of donors, this may not happen. Without a transplant this could be my last Christmas, and so this December, I want to get at least 5000 people to sign the organ donor register, in the hope of saving lives.

50% of people waiting for lungs will die purely because not enough people have signed up to donate after their death. Each of us has the power to change this statistic. I don't know if my call will come but by signing up you will create chances for so many people facing a death sentence.

Please help me achieve my Christmas wish and give me hope, a future and the chance to see next Christmas.

Thank you."

What you can do:

• Sign up! It's quick and simple, just go to http://tinyurl.com/torsxmaswish


• Be proud about the fact you've signed up! Let people know, especially your next of kin.


• Pass the message on. We'd love to help her see 5000 new names on the Organ Donor Register by January 1st but we need you to help spread the word about Tor's Christmas Wish.

On behalf of Tor and everyone else waiting, thank you for your support. It literally could save lives.

Flippin heck!

Well I've hit my feet running on this placement that's for sure. What a difference it makes to have a mentor that empowers students, I've done more in three days on this ward than I've done in the last year. The strange thing is, I drew up and administered IV antibiotics for years at home for Chris when he was younger, we even mixed them from scratch, but I've not had the chance to get my hand in on doing it on the ward until now. It came back to me straight away which gave my confidence a huge lift. To be fair if you can mix ceftazadime (might be spelled wrong, it's been a while) without getting covered in it then you have a head start on the unfizzing antibiotics.

I've been involved in catheter care, not going into too much detail on that one and I'm beginning to decipher blood and urine results. At some point I'm going to theatre and I'll be taking care of my own patient post op (under supervision). I may be guilty of spending a bit more time nattering with patients than I should but this mentor soon lets me know that while it's good to talk it has to be interspersed with treatment delivered at the correct time.

It's all good!! except working through the night, that's just surreal.

Diary of a second year student nurse.

I set up this blog so I could say whatever I wanted to so I'm going to have a massive big moan for a change. Yep! I'm a positive person, but even the most ardent positivist has one of them weeks.

1. The second year of student nursing is hard, that's the first thing.
2. Writers block is frustrating, that's the second thing
3. Everyone getting their assignment done is stomach churning, that's the third thing
4. A few people getting their 2nd and 3rd assignment done when it's not due in for many weeks is downright scary, that's the fourth thing.
5. Getting hijacked by two lecturers in the corridor and crying like a baby is soooo not me, fifth thing.
6. Asking for an extension is humbling, sixth thing.
7. Having to get a doctors note to say I have temporarily lost the plot in order to get an extension is inconvenient, seven.
8. Generally losing the plot is normal, I'm human and I need something to remind me of that now and again.

I've done the darned essay now and I think research is the most boring, dry and unnecessarily complicated subject in the world. I do think it's important to know these things but why do they have to use language that is designed to give students a complete mental block.

I'm off on placement for six weeks on a surgical ward starting Monday, I'm nervous but so looking forward to the patient contact and practicalness after that horrid essay.

End of moan.
.

Chris

Happy Birthday babe, we miss you more today than we did yesterday and tomorrow we'll miss you more than we did today.

Secret garden finished for your birthday, how quick were we eh! It only took erm.....nearly three and a half years.

Couldn't think of a title.

I've really enjoyed being off and have managed to get half the house decorated as well as making huge progress on the secret garden (pics to follow). The idea for the secret garden was originally Chris's, he was inspired to create one after being involved in ideas for the peace garden which was designed and built for the CF patients at the Amanda Unit in Liverpool. It has given us something positive to work on and has helped to keep our Chris in the here and now, it's a brilliant thing to be able to do something like that. I doubt it will ever be completely finished because each time I visit somewhere new in the future I will bring back a stone (weeny of course) and I'll tell him all about the place I visited while I'm down there reading. That will take months and months as well because I take ages to read a book from beginning to end. I started reading a biography of Florence Nightingale when we broke up about six weeks ago and I'm only three quarters of the way through it. There's a documentary of her life recorded and just waiting for me to watch but I don't want to until I've finished the flippin book.

Changing the subject a bit I'm feeling reflective tonight because I went into uni today to meet and welcome the new students. I had been asked if I would like to be a peer mentor for the new intake and I felt so blessed to have been considered. Life has continued to put things in my path that I couldn't ever imagine happening to the me who left school only just before I was invited to leave. We weren't given many details of what peer mentoring entailed but I thought it would include us being available a couple of times a week as a group to answer any questions and give support. Well!! not quite, imagine being asked to come to the front and then the lecturers asking 10 students to step forward to be mentored by you.........not comfortable at all I can tell you. Fortunately I got a group but forget the mentors together thing, oh no!!! we had to take our groups off on our own and be in charge of questions and answers, I was a bit horrified to be honest. The next thing on the itinerary is a full day on Friday starting with a whole morning where I have to make my own agenda for my group and in the afternoon it's over to the gym for team building. I am at least fifty percent unfitter than last year when we played energetic games so this bit should be hilarious.

Considering I have tried to run away a lot of times in the past year I seem to have got myself involved in even more stuff and it's mainly because my mouth hasn't got a clue how to form the word 'no'. I have to admit I'm nervous about it all but it's another challenge and I seem to rise to them these days. Praise God!

Mutant Carrots

Well that'll teach me to brag!

I'd invited a friend for Sunday dinner today and nonchalant as anything I instructed her to follow me down the garden. We're having my own home grown carrots I said, as I sauntered, leisurely like towards the raised bed. 'Oh how lovely' she remarked, Ha!! she was impressed. I have no idea where I went wrong, but something was definitely amiss with this bunch of misfits.

I couldn't bring myself to prepare them because they look like little aliens so I've chucked them in the field where they can make themselves at home. I hope I don't dream about them climbing the fence shouting me..............shudder!!!

4 years

Four years ago today somebody was told that they would have to say goodbye to their precious son. That very same day Chris received the phone call that we had all been praying for and he was given the gift of a new life. Words can never describe how grateful we will always be for the chance to see Chris living and loving life.

Thank you to all who register as organ donors, your gift really is priceless.

Me tired....never!!

I've been dreaming about something for ages and ages and today the dream became reality. I lay down flat as a fluke on God's green earth and I stayed there for a while gazing at the beautiful blue sky. With an uncluttered mind I mused on how I hadn't run away, by heck I'd wanted to, I was desperate to, but I didn't.

Whilst lying there I noticed how very beautiful the willow was with the gentle breeze rustling the long slender leaves. The sound of cascading water somewhere in the distance has a calming soothing effect, making me stay there a bit longer. The world is a wonderful place when you've achieved something, that at times seemed impossible.

But I was lying about the dream, I stayed there because it was in fact a very difficult task to stand up after two large glasses of Shiraz at midday.

Assignment handed in and very big exam done yesterday. I'm heading for five weeks of lying flat as a fluke on God's green earth with a bottle of Shiraz and the feint aroma of charcoaled delicacies drifting temptingly under my nose. At the end of which I will be a second year student nurse.



Perfick!! Bates, H. E. (1958) Darling buds of May. Penguin Group: London.

Bye Rodders.

Our Rod went off to join Chris this morning after a harrowing eleven days. We all gave it all we had but she was just too poorly, sounds like a familiar story to me. We’re all so sad, but as my lovely friend said, it’s a comfort to think that she’s with Chris now. There’ll never be another cat like that one, she was a complete nutter and thought she was human. We have two cats left, one has fits and is senile and the other hates all things human and animal, in fact she’s a bit psychotic about inanimate objects as well. When they go I am NOT having any more pets, ever ever ever!!

Come on Rodney....get better.

Our wee cat, the one that Chris made us adopt, is so poorly. It brings many painful memories back.....so hard!!

Deefor diet

I’m on a Deefor diet.

Having gained a few pounds recently I decided something had to be done to shift the thing that’s now hanging around my middle bit and preventing me from fastening my buttons on my jeans. I’ve done the denial and also accused the tumble dryer of shrinking stuff, but the scales say it in plain English ‘you have become unfit, get off your backside and stop eating chips’

I needed something to lever me out of the sitting position!

I needed a dog! To walk me.

I had a light bulb moment, Ahah!!, I have a friend who has a dog who could fix me, his name is Deefor, why waste time searching for a name for a dog when D for dog will fit the bill.

He calls for me, takes me round this massive field, keeps checking I’m keeping up and nags me if I don’t. Then, to round it off he gives me a good wash and tells me what a good girl I’ve been.

Magic.....I've lost 4lbs so far.

Ok I'll stay then.

Now that the assignment has been handed in and I've done the exam I feel a tad more relaxed, although I'm not at all sure I will pass the exam because I went off on one and revised the wrong thing. I wasn't alone though which means I'm not necessarily getting old age confusion yet.

On perusing the new timetable for the next module I was once again fired up with the passion for nursing that has always been in my system. Bio science figures heavily in this next bit which will end in a two and a half hour exam mainly covering the systems (endocrine, respiratory, digestive, immune, muscular skeletal, urinary etc....). This really excites me because although I love all aspects of nursing, my particular interest is medical and I am fascinated by the body systems.

One of the other subjects we will be studying is pain which is another area of great interest to me, along with palliative and end of life care. This is where I would love to end up working, it is what drives me and it is where I would love to have a chance to make a difference. I am totally inspired by pain management teams such as Macmillan nurses and have been very lucky to see the outcome of their specialist intervention on a few occasions.

So at the moment I am staying put and will ride out the next nervous breakdown when everything is due in.

Pond Progress

It's getting there

Proper diary catch up

I managed to complete my second placement which was with a health clinic and despite a bit of a to do with mentors I did end up with two of the nicest people one could hope for. So I now know exactly what Health Visitors do and I've have had an amazing insight into many more aspects of health care in the community, which I have enjoyed immensely.

However, I have once again had the inevitable panic and near nervous breakdown that comes with an assignment being due in. The first thing that happens when you know you have a deadline is of course your brain freezes, but you don't worry because you have 3 weeks, so it's not a problem. Two and a half weeks later the frozen brain hasn't defrosted and you have only done a paragraph and that was squeezed out a word at a time. It's not that I haven't tried, in fact I was drowning in the amount of research I'd printed out, it was enough to keep a paper mill in recycled stuff for years. That's what I hate about research, more often than not you know what you want to say but you have to find someone else who said it before you, why? because they didn't sit around with frozen brains, they got it on paper and printed and published, that's why.

I've done it now but it didn't happen without incident, I have a frozen neck and shoulder and I had a right funny turn on Friday night. So once again I am wondering whether I can continue to drive myself to the brink for the next two and a half years. I don't know, I really don't.

Hubby has decided to take early retirement in May and he's already fitting nicely into the roll of potterer with a tan. I wonder if my brain freeze has anything to do with the fact that he's out there in MY garden while I'm plonked at a computer with a bad neck.....Hmm!!

Diary of a student nurse who's hubby needs a slap.

What do you do when your garden pond springs a leak?

Do you just fix it?

Or...do you decide to build another pond alongside it so the fish have somewhere nice to swim while you repair it?

Someone please get my hubby a job pronto because my garden looks like a building site!

Upside down.

I was made the wrong way round I think. Hubby and son were made redundant and for a while now we’ve had to be soooooo careful with the funds. It’s amazing what lengths you can go to with a chicken, I hold the record at making one last for 4 days. There’s a hundred and one different recipes using a tin of beans as well and if you find a bit of meat at the back of the freezer it’s party time.


I don’t ever want to forget the brilliant things this having to struggle a bit has brought into our house, we’ve been closer than ever and we have valued every bit of teamwork. I truly am afraid that if we get money coming in and don’t have to worry about day to day costs again, we’ll lose this.


Daft isn't it.

The hill....revisited.

As there is a very real possibility that me John and Mike will be living in a cardboard box sometime soon I thought it would be a good plan to do something today that would tempt the feel good endorphins out of hiding. After careful deliberation over a massive bacon and egg batch (endorphin producing food) I suggested we climb Helsby Hill again, after all we'd really enjoyed that ramble last time we did it.

What I hadn't accounted for was the fact that it was two years since we last went up there and my fitness level has decreased considerably due to spending most of that time on my rear. Sitting in class all day and studying all night surprisingly does not produce a marathon runner. Anyway I had to have five rests and stop twice because my legs went all funny, but I got to just before the summit without too much drama. As we rounded the corner there was a thin path above a shear drop and some sandstone tablet type rock which looked harmless enough so on I strode. Now! if you happen to have a bit of a problem with heights you'll know all about that feeling of frozenness and the surging desire to throw yourself off the thing, despite knowing that you definitely will die horribly if you do. This is a feeling which makes no sense whatsoever and I've never come across anyone who could explain the absurdity of it to me. I was there spread out, grappling with bits of grass and stuck frozen flat against the sandstone wailing, could I move a muscle....no could I heck. Eventually John dragged me up and we had coffee sitting in the sun which was nice, he also found another way to get back down which I was relieved about because by now there was a party of school kids up there and I didn't fancy an audience when I next lost the plot.

I'm not sure whether the feel good endorphin thing worked because the amount of adrenalin that must have been circulating when I was stuck has probably taken years off my ticker, but at least while that was happening I was thinking the cardboard box house seemed like a nice idea.

Like many people my men are facing the possibility of being unemployed because the company they work for has gone into administration, it's a scary prospect, especially for my hubby who has been there since he was in his twenties. It might challenge us but it's in no way going to destroy us.

Praise God for the continued strength I am Blessed with.

Brrrr!!

This weather is causing many strange things to happen in my world, as I imagine it is in other peoples. I nearly didn't go back to uni but I did and I loved it, but it was short lived because we were there, then a day later we were sent home early, we then went back when everywhere else had decided to close, that lasted half a day and now we've been told it's closed until the 18th of January. It feels kind of unreal.

Yesterday our Mike's car was stuck half on and half off the drive, it's a sporty thing and rear wheel drive (not that I know the significance of that) so it apparently gets all moody when it sees ice and either refuses to move or does a stroppy dance all over he road. Anyway, although I had a huge amount of studying to do I decided it might be nice to get my wellies on and shift a bit of snow in order to get the bad tempered vehicle off the pavement. Well! I can't begin to tell you just how much I enjoyed that couple of hours, it was magic, the sun was out and in minus whatever degree it was I worked up a right sweat. The sweat wasn't all that lovely but the endorphins in it made me giggle and I was momentarily tempted to make a snowman all on my own, however there were no children around who I could use as an excuse for my behaviour so I went inside and made a full English fry up instead which produced even more endorphins.

I was considering studying in the den in the garden because it looks sooooo pretty covered in snow and I could imagine I was in Switzerland, especially as the pond is frozen solid and perfect for a skate. But I decided not to because I had visions of fish eyes looking at me from under the ice or falling through it and decapitating one of them. I may however set up a soup kitchen down there if we're still snowed in come May.

There is a very real danger that I may have to eat my words if there are any power cuts due to this Arctic weather as well. How much did I scoff at my hubby when he announced (in the middle of summer) that he'd purchased a little generator thing, I made a meal of it and he said nothing. How I wish I had just said 'what a wise buy that was dear'

Before uni gave in to the weather we had a lecture on basic chemistry and I was amazed at how much I enjoyed it, I really do love this learning......until the next deadline anyway!!