Hats on for 2010.

Last night I got to thinking about all that had happened in 2009, New Years Eve does that, it makes you reflective. After feeling a bit rubbish health wise for oooow!! about 8 weeks now I thought I'd be having a whinge but it suddenly dawned on me what an amazing year 2009 was for me and I reckon that the hat you wear has an awful lot to do with it.

Just take a minute to think about hats, they are after all one of the most unassuming yet powerful bits of attire as far as I'm concerned. This morning we took off for a brisk walk in freezing temperatures so what did we both naturally do, yep we rooted round for a hat and each of us selected one. Now I don't just pull any old hat out because I think they make a statement, you can bring forth a multitude of reactions when people look at your hat and I wanted to make someone smile today, so I chose a daft one


On the way home from our walk I tried to engage my hubby in a discussion about hats and the effect they have on the wearer and the observer. He was reluctant at first but I persisted and give him his due he did eventually act as though he was interested. Take for instance Davey Crocket I said, he had that small animal one with a long tail, you can't sit there and tell me that the raccoons saw that and smiled. I know if I was approached by a matron of yesteryear I'd be fixated on the hat, in fact it would almost certainly make me do my utmost to look tidy in my bed. Ascot on ladies day has always scared the life out of me, how on earth can you hold a conversation with seven feet of fruit and I always feel that the guards at the palace only have stiff furry hats to butt you with if you keep asking too many questions.

To be honest I think the day of the hats is coming, they've been planning to secretly control us for years, they know that once they are on our head we are that hat. So lets all make a stand in 2010 by making sure we only wear a hat that smiles at people.

That will fool the buggers!

Have a good one.

Wishing everyone a happy and peaceful Christmas.

The fabulous fifties.

I am working my way back to normality but it takes a while when you are fifty odd and feel eighty odd. Placement nearly finished me off and I wish I could say I loved it, but I can't because it was very hard work and I've had every horrid bug that ever walked the earth, or floated in the air or lurked unsuspectingly on any bit of anything. Thirteen and a half hour days with travel time either end are beyond me and so is putting make up on without glasses because I've poked my eye out twice. I can no longer stand up and put tights on because I will always end up hurtling across the bedroom floor and knocking myself senseless on the pointiest object in sight. When I need to turn over in bed I have to position my hands securely around my right knee and hip and flip them over, but not too energetically or I end up smothering myself and because of the dodgy hip I can't flip back. So I gasp into the pillow until John finally realises I'm on my last legs, then he digs me and my sympathetic nervous system kicks in 'voila' I'm on the other side crippled with cramp and wide awake.

So! despite my brain still acting like it's twenty one my body has made it crystal clear that I am now in that wonderfully liberated age group who can't eat a dish of trifle without a bib.

Happy.

I'm tireder than the tiredest sloath that ever dragged itself across a tree trunk, but my second day on placement has been better than the first and I know I'll get used to these long days eventually. It's been a good day today, I got to spend plenty of time with the patients, learned a lot and gained some confidence. On that note I'm off to bed with my hot chocolate and the reflection can wait until tomorrow.

One forward two back.

Well I managed a day on the ward on Tuesday and nothing slightly 'carry on' happened apart from me asking the patients if I could repeat the obs just to make sure I had the right reading, bless them all for being so lovely with a newby, especially as they were probably feeling they could do without it. At times I felt out of my depth and at other times I felt totally within my comfort zone, it was just one day though. I was off Wednesday and today and I had hoped that tomorrow and Saturday would see me emerging as a confident obs person at the very least. However I felt a bit under the weather yesterday and didn't sleep at all well last night so off I trundled to the docs this morning and he signed me off until Monday.....very frustrating but sensible.

Diary of a student nurse. 2

A landmark is coming up and I feel it must be recorded. I am being let loose on the general public on Tuesday when I get to wear a uniform and actually work on a real ward as a student nurse. I'm very nervous because all of a sudden I'm on the other side of the fence and I know nothing about the basics like making them envelope beds, I did have a go on the manual handling course and it looked easy peasy, but it wasn't. I've had lots of encouragement from people and I think I'm ready, I just keep getting this mental picture of some carry on film where I cause a load of havoc on my first day.

Never thought I'd get to this point, I'm excited and nervous....arghh!!!

Chris.

Happy Birthday babe,

We miss you more today than we did yesterday and tomorrow we'll miss you more than we did today.

Love you always and forever. x

Part two.

This is a valuable tool this reflection thing. I'm going to use my blog more in future because it was a good reference to how I felt yesterday and how I now feel having reflected......

After sorting through everything I can sum it up by saying I was probably uncomfortable because I tend to celebrate Chris's life and if I'd got up and talked about my experience, I might have felt that the other students would view me as a bit blase. I also acknowledged that everyone does it different and that will be the case as I go through my nursing career (yep I'm staying put for now). I honestly didn't think I had a problem with over seriousness, but it just goes to show that I might have had. Good that it's now been flagged through reflecting though eh!

Reflection

This word 'reflection' is everywhere at the minute, we spend a huge amount of time learning about it at uni, doing it and then writing about it, so I thought I'd compose this entry in a reflective log sort of way, for practice, you see. So here we go, since starting I've had:

• High expectations
• Overload
• Where do I fit into all of this?
• Excited
• Exhausted
• Learning
• Overwhelmed
• Getting to grips momentarily
  
• Doubting
• Reminding myself why I'm here
• Feeling I can make a difference
• Block
  

This mornings lecture was about bereavment/dying and the fact that it was still considered to be largely a taboo subject in our culture. We were encouraged to talk about our experiences, but hardly anybody did because it was conducted in such a way that you could hear a pin drop. I understand that respect and empathy should be top of the list when dealing with people who are facing the end of their lives, as it should also be when communicating with family and friends of the dying person. But what I can't get my head round at the moment is why this lecture went so badly and why it changed me from being somebody who was able to share my story freely in my college course, to someone who conformed to keeping it a taboo subject by only offering the information that I'd lost my son. There wasn't any point in the lecture where I felt I could be honest and share my experience because it was far too tense and felt like it was designed to be a councelling session for the class.

I've always thought I could make a difference and I know I could, but maybe the hoops you have to jump through to actually get there take up far too much valuable time that could be spent making that difference to all the people in your life who miss you. I really want to be a nurse, but in order to continue I have to become selfish and put myself first and it just doesn't feel right at the moment.

These two things have presented me with a bit of a block so I will reflect on it all tomorrow and no doubt learn from it.

Zzzzzz!

First week.

I can't believe that the first week at uni has gone and we're half way through the second. I can barely remember what we got up to every day last week, so I'm doing a quick round up, then I'll know, when I look back.

We filled lots of forms in, found rooms where we have to be and the times we have to be there, for the next five or so weeks anyway. Most rooms are off a very long corridor which has already been named 'the green mile'. All eating places have been located and the favourite has been chosen. We've met all the staff. Our personal log-ins for various things don't always work and the computers are even more moody than mine, so I feel quite at home with that one. We're assured that they will behave once the proper term starts, it's us new one's who are messing it up, because the system is programmed to activate all log ins and emails on the day the rest of the world comes back. I've been told to get a sticker for the car or I will have to park in Sainsburys, but they aren't issuing them until the official start of term........ The fellow students are lovely and a few of us have already made provisional plans to have a curry day where we will all bring bits and pieces towards a banquet. I seem to have talked a bit more about food than study, all normal there then.

We had team building on Friday afternoon, where I played lots of things ending in ball and whilst running for a footy I went flying and slid across the sports hall.

I like Glyndwr and I'm glad I chose it.

Much emotional.

I'm here every five minutes lately, I think that tends to happen with me when emotions are involved, not that I was overly emotional about the raised bed, but I couldn't miss an opportunity of a wee laugh, and me and John did giggle about it.

I've had an emotional day today and I've cried a bit, to be truthful, I've cried a lot.

Meeting up with Andy on Wednesday started me off, he's been such a precious friend since 2004 and I was gutted that I might not get to see him this year, so it was a bonus that we managed to hastily arranged Banbury.Traditionally we meet up every year to join the many people in Hyde Park who take part in the race or support the entrants in an effort to raise funds and awareness for the Cystic Fibrosis Trust. I can't be there this year because I'm starting uni and I will miss those special people and our once a year hugs so much.

This morning I'd arranged to meet C (one of Chris's nurses) in the cafe at the CF unit. The reason for me wanting to meet her there was, that I'd realised I no longer needed her to visit me on a professional basis, as she has done since we said goodbye to Chris. So many times when she'd been out to see me I'd wanted to ask for her mobile number because we got on so well, but it didn't seem right somehow. I think we both knew that while it was still C visiting Chris's mum it had to stay on a professional level and now I believe it was right.

As I start on a new path in my life I wanted to tell her something that's been on my mind for a long time. I wanted to thank her so much for being there for Chris and for me. Nobody can ever take away the memory of the words he said to me time after time 'I like C a lot, she always takes the time to talk to me' She's a special person and an even more special nurse and if I can do the same for someone as she did for Chris then I'll be very happy. We are going to meet up again, but it will be to shop and do coffee because now is the right time to just be mates.

Later today I met up with two lovely friends I'd made on the access course. We all know we want to keep in touch, but we also know it isn't going to be the same as it was when we shared the daily ups and downs at college. So I was off again, sniffling into my coffee. I am so going to miss everyone, especially V who is and will always be, very special to me. I am so glad I did that course when I did.

Special day.

Yesterday's journey to Banbury couldn't have been smoother thanks to my sister's co-piloting. We met up with our good buddy Andy, wandered round the shops, then went to see the 'Lady on the horse' at Banbury Cross. After tucking into a delicious meal we went in search of a navy cardi to complete my uni list (I know how to keep my friends entertained you know). After another wander round the shops and much talking/laughing, we rounded off with cake and coffee. It's priceless spending time with good friends, even more so when they live hundreds of miles away, so glad I got the opportunity.

Magical Mystery Tour.

Still can't find the thing that lets you change font colour and style, so will have to continue to blog in boring old black standard shaped font.

Had a cracking time at The Mathew Street Festival yesterday and wasn't a bit put off by the length of the queue at the railway station, it all adds to the fun. The 'how many people can you fit in a British Rail carriage' would have thrown me into a complete panic a few years ago and I would have been jamming my face out of the 2 inch gap (all they allow the window to open). However my new found ability to get in a lift has opened up a new world and I can now cope with bits of claustraphobia here and there, which is just as well because it was sardine like in that carriage and I got far closer to fellow travellers than was comfortable. You could tell everyone felt the same though because we were all avoiding each others eyes and when they did meet we smiled and then started to talk loudly (across the many heads) to the people we were with to reinforce that we weren't actually enjoying the fact that our arm was wedged where it was.

The weather was kind, the food was yummy and all the people were there to have a good time. I just love this festival.



Tomorrow I'm off to Banbury in Oxfordshire, this will be a challenge as I tried to get there once before two years ago and didn't find it. After driving for nine and a half hours I arrived back home and our Mike asked me if I'd be trying it again. I said 'too right I will, it wont beat me' I have a map book, a sat nav and an AA route planner on board for tomorrow, together with a tent because I am not coming back till I find it.

Secret garden update.

Someone really needs to give my hubby a lesson in 'small is beautiful' sometime.

I asked him to make me a raised bed for the secret garden, he loves working with wood (despite being allergic to sawdust) so I knew it would be a work of art and I gave him the measurements. I hold my hand up here and admit that I did say 8ft long by 3ft wide, but the timber we were looking at was thin. He ordered the wood and when it arrived alarm bells should have rung, but I assured myself he was planning to make two (as I thought I'd previously mentioned).

I'll pause here to say it's nobody's fault that I now have a magnificent wooden enclosure that could, if planted with edible stuff, feed our village for a year. Alternatively, I could breed a herd of wilder beast in it, or line it and have a luxury swimming pool. I haven't even begun to work out the cost of filling it with soil, but it's going to be at least 50 big bags.

So! how much did this raised bed cost?

Wood - £105
Delivery - £5
Stain - £10
Screws - £14 (well they were brass)
New circular saw - £50
Compost/soil of some sort - £150 (guessing)
Things to grow in it - anything from £50

Total - £384

And there was me worrying about a plant I bought for it that will grow to 3ft wide by 3ft high, it will be in plant heaven stretching it's little feet out and wiggling it's toes. Winnie however is well impressed with the hugeness of the new litter tray.



I've had a mare of a time with blogger tonight, could someone please tell me where the choice of font and colour have gone because I'm going to bed now, before I do something I'll regret a lot.

Special Indian Onion Salad

1lb/450g onions (I use red and white for the colourfulness)
1 tomato (I use 3)
Quarter of a cucumber (I use at least half)
2 tablespoons coriander leaves (I use more)
1 green chilli (it's a woosies salad)
4 tablespoons sugar
Half a teaspoon salt
2oz/50g garlic vinegar (just finely chop a clove into your regular vinegar)

Peel and slice the onions thinly. Peel and chop finely tomato and cucumber. Chop coriander leaves finely, if fresh coriander is unobtainable omit entirely. Seed chilli and chop finely. Mix sugar and salt in vinegar and dissolve. Put onions, cucumber and chilli into glass dish (I put it in tupperware container so it's easy to transport). Mix well and let soak in vinegar mix. Add the tomato before serving (I add it with the onions, cucumber and chilli). Mix well and sprinkle with coriander leaves before serving (I put the coriander in a couple of hours before it's going to be eaten so the flavour can permeate the salad).

This is yummy, especially with a good burger.

Diary of a student nurse.

Only joking! I'm not really going to turn my blog into a day by day account of the life and times of a student nurse, although, for my records I will be keeping track of notable events as they happen.

Breaking news....I received my criminal bureau check form, occupational health form and student profile form. All ok except the loss of hearing in my right ear which will not be a problem they say, unless I can't hear the blood pressure thing when using the stethoscope and cuff, more on this once I undergo the test.

I've become a dab hand with Amazon and since receiving my book list I have managed to whittle the original cost of £160, down to £92 and they are all in pristine condition. Today I purchased the black ankle socks, flat black shoes, navy and black trousers, round ended scissors and black pens. So! what does that leave? (I think this probably will turn into a day by day account after all).

University starts on the 7th of September with welcome week, where we get the jabs we need, are measured up for uniforms, have pics taken and get acquainted with what's what generally. My first placement is on the 26th of October and I'll be working on a ward for 7 weeks, very much looking forward to that.

I'll not whinge on about the very nasty virus that followed the shingles but it's nearly gone now and hopefully I will be fit to actually start this next exciting phase of my life, unless 'sod' is listening in of course.

I can't end this blog entry without mentioning something very close to my heart. Chris always told me I should be a nurse and it's stayed with me, how brilliant is it, that he continues to drive me to fulfill a life long dream of mine. That's special.

What's what in my world.

Despite my promise to myself to keep my blog up to date once the course finished, I've failed miserably. However I'm in the mood this morning so here's a quick post of what's what and what has been what lately (if indeed anyone is interested).

I've nearly got over the nasty shingle thing, been to the beach a few times and been very childish (throwing oneself head first down the sand dunes is highly recommended). We've had some men in to clear the ground for the secret garden, which will be 'Chris's secret garden'. It will be in the Feng Shui style, (water, earth, wind and fire) because he liked that sort of thing. John is going to whittle a bench together and the plaque will probably include the words 'Don't worry, be happy' I may or may not attach three little birds to it, if the men allow such cheesiness.

I did a speech on our certificate presentation evening, along with two of my buddies, which was to mark the retirement of our lovely (not what I called him during the course) Biology tutor.






Today I have been married for 34 years and we're going to spend the day staining all the wooden stuff in the garden, followed by the compulsory barbecue, even if it rains. Finally, for now, I'm a bit excited about something I've added to my 1-10 list, it's called body boarding and I can't wait to try it.

Esther

Hiya hunni,

Thank you very much for your message, I've been trying to catch up with your blog but it seems to have disappeared. I hope alls going well with you, if you don't have a blog any more are you on facebook? I'd like to keep in touch somehow.

Take care, much love. x x x

Viral Gremlins.

I've got shingles, not nice.

It's not always an advantage to have done Biology, cos you know what's going on.

Oh my goodness.

I got my final results today, I passed the access course and I'm a bit choked to be honest. I can't actually believe I did it.

Nearly there

Everything has to be in by Friday..........arghhh!!!

The chair

You know you're getting on a bit when you buy one of these chairs and then go on and on about how fab they are for ages. They are good though, they have a wee hole in the arm for a cup and they fold up like a brolly and...............

Good luck Rob.

I just want to say a great big thank you tonight to a special person. Rob lived next door to us and he's been a friend of Mike and Chris's since they were all weeny. He's in the army now and a team of them are doing a 30 mile trek tomorrow and donating to the CF trust.

Huge thanks to all the team for raising much needed funds for the CF Trust, you're all stars.

I'm on a mission now to find a pic of the three of them when they were weeny *grin*

Update

Reviewing my 1-10 list today I realised I'd knocked a couple off, I got in a lift (a massive phobia) apologies to the brave people who accompanied me, read some books that are stretching my brain, I say stretching because it still has a way to go before I can say I know what they're on about and I got on a horse, albeit a mechanical one that tries its best to chuck you off, and it did. But the best by far has to be the amendment I will soon have to make to number 1.

1. Be a nurse (this will take 4 years)

I will very soon be making that read.

1. Be a nurse (this will take 3 years)

I've loved this course and hated it at times, but the very best feeling in the world is that I've actually stuck at it.

Wind ups have made a come back in the last week as well. I asked our Mike to come to Sainsburys with me, I don't do that very often and now I know why. As we were patiently waiting for the lady in front of us to pay her bill our Mike slapped her on the shoulder and announced 'put your money away, me mum will pay for your shopping' it was a tense moment, the lady looked at me, the man on the till looked at me and our Mike looked at me. I was frozen for a minute and then laughed artificially, then we all laughed hysterically. Yesterday I was sitting quietly in the kitchen reading one of the mind stretching books when I heard this massive pounding at the front door, then this thunderous voice was shouting eh you!, being deaf in my right ear I ran to the back door (you always hear the noise from the opposite direction when you're deaf in one ear) whereupon this hand landed on my shoulder and I screamed, I wasn't amused.......then I was and laughed hysterically again........brilliant!

I have to get one back on Mike.

The Ball

Emily, Lorraine and me at The Barnes Boys Charity Ball.

Good stuff

I really can't believe we're on the home stretch with the course now, only one more module to go, just six weeks in fact and I will have completed an academic qualification. This is a huge thing for me because I've started and paid for a fair few courses in my life, but I've never seen them through. Why? because I didn't have the confidence in myself that I have now, but that confidence didn't just come from my own mind, it came from being surrounded by a bunch of people who wouldn't allow any one of us on the course to give up. Fellow students and tutors are invaluable in making you believe in yourself and friends who have supported me with their encouragement have constantly inspired me to keep going.

As you might have guessed I am very smiley today, I passed the last module despite the moody shoulder and life is good.

I had a cracking time at the Barnes Boys Charity Ball last Saturday and it was so lovely to meet everyone. The speeches by Lorraine and Emily were spot on, the entertainment was great and the night was a huge success. As always, everything went far too quick and we all said our goodbyes over a hearty breakfast, but such things are precious to me, they'll never be forgotten and I'll always be so glad that I got the chance to be there.

Hello

Huge thanks to everyone who posted their kind thoughts for Jessie and her family, it's very much appreciated, bless you.

It's been a funny phase this last few weeks, but things are returning to normal, now that I nearly have the use of my right neck/shoulder/arm. I've had a cracking few days in the garden getting my hands mucky and would have produced picture evidence of all my very hard work but my camera refuses to turn on. I have the greatest difficulty with many gadgets and blame it on my staticnness, for instance when I shut the car door it throws a bolt of electricity up my arm and you can guarantee if I unload the dryer my hair will be standing on end, I've wiped out more than one pc just by being in the same room and the sat nav just gives in and babbles in another language if I'm in the car. I've thought about writing to the mayor of Blackpool and asking if I can switch on the lights one year, then sitting back and watching the havoc it would create.

I'm not sure whether I passed the latest exams as the only two I took, I exited as soon as I could, due to said dodgy neck/shoulder/arm, the two others I was given an extension for and was supposed to do them over the Easter break, however they haven't happened yet, but they will.

Liverpool have just gone one up against Chelsea 4-3 c'mon Liverpool.

Nite all.

Jessie

Now and again in life you meet someone who's very special, sometimes you don't realise it at the time and other times you just know straight away that this person is someone who you'll want in your life for ever, as I did with Jessie.

Jessie first came into my life through our connection on the cf forum where we exchanged a few posts, but our friendship grew when our Chris had his transplant and I was living in a bungalow at the hospital. She rang me regularly to chat and as a mum who's daughter (Pauline) was post transplant I can't begin to tell anyone what a huge support that was, not only did it help me to look beyond the transplant but it also felt so reassuring to talk to another mum who'd been where I was.

We kept in touch and she was there for me whenever I needed to talk about Chris's recovery from the operation, it's a rocky time and quite often I'd wonder whether this or that was 'normal' so I'd pick up the phone and within minutes she'd have me wondering why on earth I was getting wound up. Just three months after Chris's transplant I was sitting in the kitchen when the phone rang "Hiya Sue, it's Jessie, where is your local train station" said this lovely Scottish voice. I couldn't believe it, how brilliant that I was going to meet her in person. I'll never forget how I felt when I first saw her, it was like I'd known her all my life and John, Mike and Chris loved her instantly.

When Chris got poorly and I was once again living in the bungalow at the hospital Jess rang me regularly and sometimes it would be very late at night when I'd text to ask if she was still up and she always said she was, bless her. Not long after we said goodbye to Chris John and I finally got up to the lovely village in Scotland where Jessie lived and we also got to meet Pauline at long last. We had a cracking time and we were made so welcome by everyone, even as we were leaving I was mentally planning when I could get back up there.

Our chance came when Jess was celebrating her 70th birthday and I couldn't wait to see everyone again, what a brilliant night that was and what an amazing family she had around her. I can honestly say I've never met anyone with as much energy as she had that night, she didn't stay still for a second.

Sadly we knew Jess was poorly but we hoped and prayed that such a special person would be around for many more years. But it wasn't to be and Jessie's family had to say goodbye to her on Mothers day.

God Bless you Jessie I'm so glad you came into my life and I'm going to miss you terribly but your wonderful outlook will be what stays with me for ever.

Praying for all Jessie's family and friends at this very sad time.

Wave alert.

I think I'm having a wave phase. It started on the way back from Tesco's when flippin Leane Ryhmes came on the radio singing 'How do I live without you' it floored me and I've been helpless ever since. It's Mothers day tomorrow and it's very hard.

Sending big hugs to all my friends who will also find tomorrow hard, I'm thinking about you all.

Going up.

I'm getting to be a right little blogger lately cos here I am again :D

I made a decision this morning to see the counsellor in college about my problem. I decided to seek him out and chuck the ball in his court, but it didn't quite work out that way. I actually bumped into him as soon as I walked in this morning and he said 'is everything going ok' or words to that effect. I blurbed it straight out 'I need your help' and he looked slightly startled for a minute, probably wondering what the heck I was going to ask him to solve. I explained, no I didn't, I whinged in a babbling manner about not being able to get in a lift.

To cut a very long story short he gave me two options, the short way or the long way. My course doesn't have all that long to run now so I chose the short option and I've been in one twice today. It was terrifying and I cried like a baby, but I did it. I just have to keep practising now and I will. Bless him, he even had the maintenance guy meet me and explain that he had a special key that would open the doors of he lift at any point. I also had a gang of trusty mates willing me on and my lovely friend in the lift with us.

I've accomplished a massive thing today and I would never have guessed that signing up to do a course would be the start of getting rid of a phobia, but hey!!! God works in mysterious ways.

1+1=3 or is it?

Back to it tomorrow and I have a couple of things I need to address

• Numbers.


• Lifts.

1. I have to be capable of not over or under dosing the patients....right.

The week before we broke up I failed the level 2 numeracy miserably. Numbers are a mystery to me, I can add, subtract, multiply, divide and other such simple things in my head, I know my tables backwards and can do the hey diddle diddle one's, but the minute it has more than one calculation and asks for the answer in a percentage, I flap, and my eyes only see the arrow that says 'next question'. Anyway today at church I got talking to a lovely girl who is also doing an access course, not to nursing though, hers is to science. She asked how I was getting on and I said fine except for the maths, 'Oh I'm really good at maths' she said. I was impressed, I get impressed when someone is really good at something I find difficult. Like when they come to fit a carpet, they fling it down any old way, push and prod and it fits perfectly, that impresses me a lot. I wandered then! Anyway she's going to sort me out next week after the service and I've decided it will click this time.

2. I can't stick the patient in a lift and say 'I'll meet you upstairs'...can I.

While I've been off this week I've been up and down to the hospital because my Auntie is in. I've been taking my mum up and she requires a wheelchair and an able body to wheel her. So far so good. Now we come to the lift, the door opens and I push my mum in, I manage to get my toes in and then I ask the nice people in the lift to push my mum out on the 2nd floor and I run in the opposite direction. I don't have a strategy in place as yet to get over this claustrophobia thing, but it's not going to beat me. I'm sure they have classes for such phobias, I mean people get over the fear of spiders, snakes and heights, I've seen them on telly.

If anyone out there has conquered a fear thing then I'd be interested to know how you did it.

Thank you very much.

Silly spend

You know when you think you 'must have' a certain thing, even though there's a naggy little voice repeating down your ear 'NO', we've all done it, surely?

Well I decided I must have this conservatory furniture, it was a snip, couch and two chairs with matching table and four chairs - £150, what a bargain. Off I went to the local DIY shop, (where I used to work) to plead for the van. Having secured it for a couple of hours I smiled a lot because I now enjoy driving different vehicles.

As soon as I saw the furniture that voice in my ear went very loud and shouted 'NO ITS TOO BIG'. I muttered back at it 'I can turn it sideways, shut up'. We had to dismantle the conservatory door at my Aunties house to get it out and the voice of reason smirked 'told ya'. I ignored it yet again because I had to have the damn thing.

Only the couch and two chairs would fit in the van so I had to leave the table and chairs there, to be picked up when I could scrounge the van again.

I don't think you have to be particularly intelligent to work out the end of this little tale, do you. I've had a nightmare of a time with it and it's now going to live in the cabin because it wont fit where I wanted it to, but will I listen to that naggy voice next time? Nope of course I wont.

Why do they make door holes so small and furniture so big?

Mike and Sophie have been ice skating tonight and I have a yen to do it, so I've added it to my 1-10 list. Incidentally my first proper date with John was at the Silver Blades ice rink in Liverpool, what a scream that was, I'm sure I have a wee pic taken in one of them booths, ahhhh! to be 16 again :D

Back to college Monday so I'm chillin big time tomorrow, it's been really good to have a week at home and spend time with people who mean a lot to me, but I'm hungry for more knowledge now.

Elated (big huge grin)

I passed the biology exam today and as long as I pass the 5 assignments, I'm there with that one. I did ok in sociology and got a good mark, pschycology I felt went ok, (won't know for definite till after half term), but................. I think I've passed the third module. Woooohoooo!!

Only two more modules to go now, I think I can do this. It's been very tough but the feeling I have tonight is indescribable.

Special thanks to every single one of you who have encouraged me and a big thank you to Vicky who sorted my head out for biology last night.

Blessed to bits I am.

Under pressure...

Getting my place at Uni was fab but it's conditional on passing this course, two down for this module, two to go, maths on Thursday should be ok but passing Biology this time will require nothing short of a miracle. Say one for me people....pleeeeze!

Student Nurse proper.

Oh my goodness!

Oh my goodness again!

I have offers from both of the universities I had interviews at. I can't beleive it really and I'm crying very very happy tears. Me doing a degree in nursing!! How Blessed am I eh! It's difficult to put across exactly how I'm feeling right now. Wildly happy about where my life is going and deeply sad that Chris isn't here to share it with me just about sums it up.

This has been one very emotional week.

Excited and a tad nervous.

This is a new emotion for me, I haven't felt this twittering in my tummy for many a moon. I have an interview at a university tomorrow and another one on Thursday. Considering I was leaving college last week, I now have to get my 'I really really want to be a nurse' head back on.

I had a freak out the last few last weeks and was torn between forging ahead and thinking only of myself, or packing college in and (imagining) my being at home was better for everybody. I'm human and I get things a bit puddled in my head sometimes, but I'm sorted now, just a tad nervous about the interview thing. I hate the grey questions like 'why do you want to be a nurse' and why did you choose this university, though my mate did set me in good stead for saying why I want Wrexham tomorrow.

1. Because I've always wanted to speak Welsh.
2. Because I love lamb.
3. Because I don't have to pay.

Thank you to everybody who put up with my whining recently and to all who have given me good old sound advice or just kept me busy with general chit chat. You're stars all of you.

Much love
Nervous Chester.

Edit
The interview went ok I think, I talked a lot and I smiled a lot, in fact I grinned from the minute I went in until I exited, now I'm wondering if they think I took any of it seriously. I had the good fortune to have worked with one of the interviewers and don't think I ever upset him all them years ago (except the times when I worked in the kitchen and ate his dinner then said there hadn't been enough for him). He couldn't interview me of course, that wouldn't be right, but I'm hoping he might tell one or two of the panel that I'm an ok lady.

How's this for an essay title:

'The factors affecting the domestic division of labour and power relations between couples'

I am the least feminist person you will ever meet, but I feel that to pass this one, I may have to burn my bra.

Prayers needed.

Ethan is 13 months old and has lived in hospital all his life. As in literally, bar one day, hospital has been the only place he has known.

Ethan was born with his intestines outside the body and following an attempt to reinsert them, Ethan needed to start TPN, an intravenous form of feeding. Ethan now urgently needs a small bowel and liver transplant.

Please say a prayer for this little man to get his call soon.
Thank you.

To be or not to be.......

What is it about February?

It seems to me that whenever I have a big re-evaluation of things, it just happens to always be February. It’s come a bit early this year, or maybe it hasn’t, because my mind isn’t fully made up yet, but it will be sometime in February.

Confused?

Yep, so am I.

Hahahaha!

They've got to be having a laugh!

Sociology assignment - A poster.

Health Studies assignment - A scrap book.

I had to write, and act, in a play on Monday.

I'm an academic now, I don't want to present flippin Blue Peter.

Me & Mike's mates, I love this pic.

Oh deary me.

I blame the sun for writing my car off today, it shouldn't be so blindingly shiny. I also blame pick-up trucks that park in line with the sun, it makes them invisible.

I was so lucky, if I'd been in our Mike's sporty job, I probably wouldn't be here blogging, because the bar that's supposed to stop you going under the truck fell off and the back of the thing was about 5 inches from my screen. Thank goodness my lovely Fiesta (well half of one now) has a fat bonnet.

I now need a large vodka, a chippy meal and......a new car.

P.S. If you want to impress your dinner guests, serve them roasted garlic and butternut squash soup, it's delicious. Thanks Em :D

Soopy

First of all, apologies for the Christmas cards that never got there, it's because I didn't send them. I thought about every single person I wanted to send a card to and wished them a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, but I did it in my head and decided they would much rather I donated to a good cause. So for everyone out there who knows they would have got a card, you helped a really good cause.

Now then, I need a tasty soup recipe by Tuesday night, no blue cheese though. I have some I've made before and loads of recipe's but I really would love one from someone who's passionate about a soup they've tried and tested. Thank you.

Happy New Year everyone.

P.S. If you pray, can I ask you to please say one for Jake, he's having a very rough time at the moment. You might not know him, but God will know who you're praying for. Thanks.

Catch up

I'm on holiday now, a very much needed one I must say. This last module has wrung every ounce of energy out of me and very near finished me off. I've passed everything, despite the biology tutor dishing out the biggest, hardest, most student unfriendly amount of work in history. I managed to get 70% in psychology and sociology and 83% in the biology exam, also passed level 1 maths, but numbers continue to throw me into a state of despair, I think I have number dyslexia actually, if such a thing exists.

So, it's Christmas, and I put my trees up yesterday, while trying to focus after a very very late night out. They look beautiful as always, because I'm good at decorating trees and don't allow anyone here to unbalance my colour scheme, however I have to redecorate it daily, because our Rodney, wrecks it overnight. We've got Chris's tree up and will be adding to it each year, this year I'm going to pick up something to do with The Beatles, because he particularly liked John Lennon. I'm off to Liverpool Christmas shopping today, so I'm bound to find something suitable.

What else have I got to blog about... nothing, really, because I haven't had time to do anything apart from study. Maybe that was a good move eh!! A couple of pics to prove I still exist.

Night out at Chester racecourse.

College night out in Liverpool

Hope everyone's enjoying the festive, apologies for the lateness in sending Christmas cards, they will be posted on Monday, just to keep the posties on thier toes! ;-) Oh and A Very Happy Christmas to all. I so miss everyone from the cf community, I really do.

Much love.

Blimey!

I don't know whether I'm coming or going at the moment. Aren't exams fun eh....

What the......

I thought I'd do a quick blog tonight, because I'm a wee bit amused or should I say, bemused. If you've been reading my blog for some time, you'll remember the day my hubby went shopping for a pump for the pond and ended up purchasing a house for the garden. Bless him, he never spends anything for ages, but when he does, it's usually very random, gadgety and costs us a fair whack.

Last week he asked me if I was staying home on my day off, because he wanted to arrange a delivery. I did indeed intend to stay home that day, because we didn't have a clean dish in the house and I could no longer navigate my way to the bedroom without a risk assessment. I have to say I was a bit reluctant to ask what exactly was being delivered, due to doing a quick mental check, and realising he was about due for a 'silly spend'. I braved it though and was, as always, a bit lost for words when he replied 'I've bought US a generator'. 'Oh' I said, 'that's nice' and then I couldn't think of anything else to say.

It came on Wednesday and it's been sat in the middle of the kitchen floor, in it's box, until this morning when he asked our Mike to give him a hand to get it out of it's box. I felt I had to make some positive noises about it, so I said 'It's a well pretty colour love' and it is, it's bright yellow with black knobs and things. He says it's just in case we have a power cut and I can't do my college work or my blog. Loosely translated I think this means the big yellow wolf is my Christmas pressy. I'll bet nobody out there has ever had such a....a....erm, useful and positively shiny bit of machinery from Santa. I'm very lucky to have a hubby who goes that extra mile and I'm soooooo glad he never asked me what I wanted, because silly me would have said, Jolie Madame (my fav perfume), a deep tissue full body regenerating massage, maybe just a working set of taps in the bathroom or two pieces of bedroom furniture that match. But he read my subconscious desires and instead he got me a generator, Bless him to bits.

It's still sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, only now it's next to it's box, which has to stay there apparently, because the cats like it. I'm going to post a pic when I find my camera, just so you can admire it.

'BUZZ'

Oh yeah before I go, is there anyone out there who knows which blood vessel has the highest temperature? I'm stuck on that one.

Thank you, love to all, hope you all get what you 'subconsciously' want from santa ;-)

Progress

The latest news from Pauline's mum was on Thursday and said 'Pauline moving on ok. Feeding the big problem now. Hopeful upward trend will continue'

Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.

Some brilliant news this week, is that William got his transplant. Click on Sarah in the blog list to read the latest on how he's doing.

Praise God for answering our prayers.

Learning parrot fashion.

Our English class was so random this week, anything can happen at our college you know.

I've also just noticed that I've been blogging for two years, worra lorra yappin.

High School

Well the next module is underway now and it will probably be a while until I can be frivolous with my time at the keyboard again. I'm still loving being at college, loving learning, loving meeting new people and most of all loving the 8 item breakfast. Our biology tutor is a darlin, he doesn't do politically correct and he scares the life out of us, but we love him to bits and we know for sure he'll get us all through this subject, bless him.

We're still having to walk through a muddy field to a house on wheels for some lessons, they did try fencing it off so we had to walk half a mile round, but we leaned on the post till it fell over and squashed through the weeny gap. No! I haven't really changed that much since leaving school. In fact in English my mate signed me in as Mickey Mouse, so I drew on her and she drew on me and so on....I thoroughly recommend this sort of therapy, give it a go sometime.

I passed the City and Guilds literacy exam on Thursday and I'll tell you what, it was one of the best feelings of personal achievement I have ever had, my very first official qualification in the whole of my life. However it definitely won't be the last, Ooooooh noooo.

Now then I need some help with this next bit and would be glad if anyone could give me some ideas. I've been talked into going on a night out on the last day of college before Christmas, but there's a catch. Everyone has to dress as a Disney character and we all have to be different, who can I be? I also have to trek round Liverpool until 3am because that's when the coach is booked to pick us up. I haven't seen 3am for a very very long time so I will most likely curl up somewhere quiet at The Pier Head and still be there the next morning, whereupon I will go looking for a greasy cafe dressed as Cruella and be arrested. All good entertainment though.

I'm off for my tea now, then I'm playing scrabble, then, and only then I'll do a wee bit of research on 'participant observation', if anyone gets the urge to put in their twopeneth on the strengths and weaknesses of this, please feel free.

Love to all.

I don't like Mondays

Back to college proper today, I think I'll tootle in for a full cooked this morning.

Tra-la-la.

:D

Update

I've just spoken to Pauline's mum and the latest news is:

'Pauline has improved immensely, we're looking for better things to come'

For all those out there who are praying and thinking positive thoughts for her, please keep it up.

I'll update again when I hear.

Love to all.

A Beautiful Day

I'm having a totally awsome day today, this morning's service was so uplifting and I'm back out at 4pm because our church is holding the get together of several Wirral churches tonight.

Woohooooo!!!

Pauline.

For anyone waiting for news of Pauline, the latest text from her mum was on the 3rd of November and said;

'A good sleep, so hopeful of a good day, the dialysis is likely so will be tiring for Pauline'

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Catch up.

Blimey is it nearly a week since I blogged!!

I'd like to say I've been busy with college stuff, but I've been off because it's half term. I don't agree with this half term lark, it halts my motivation-ness and I can't for the life of me sit down and work, knowing I have a few more days where I can wander round the beach, potter in the garage etc...

Anyway, the latest testing thing is this personal statement everyone has to write, in order to get into your chosen university. I mean, it's hard to sell yourself isn't it, especially when you (I) have no academic qualifications. I've decided mine is going to be very informal, a bit like chatting to a tutor instead of an anonymous bod. Make them want to read more, they said, so I'm telling them about my 1-10 list of things to do before I die, but I'm not saying what's on it, or what I've knocked off - Ha!! I bet they'll be dying to know all about it, they'll probably ring me straight away to go for an interview ;-)

Yesterday I finally got off my rear and went to look for some voluntary work at my local nursing home. I used to do a bit of part time work there, so I thought it would be a good place to start. I rang the bell and low and behold an old friend answered, "I'm looking for some voluntary work" I said, whereupon I was dragged to the office and given a uniform. Just waiting to be checked out by the criminal investigation people and I'm in, flippin heck only a Sunday off for the next year.

We're doing child development in psychology when we go back, so if you want to know how your children tick, phone me. In biology we started the respiratory system before we broke up, that was quite hard at first for reasons known to a lot of you who know me. It's spirometers next, how ironic that I should be where I am now, you just never know what's round the corner in this life.

I'm loving my life, truly Blessed I am.

I don't have any news about Pauline I'm afraid as I've not heard from her mum for nearly a week and I don't feel it's right to mither, as soon as I do hear I'll post. Keep them all in your thoughts and prayers wont you.

Love to all.

A good day

'Pauline has had a good day today and has been able to talk, eat yoghurt and drink tea, at last'

That's tonights text.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers that this is ongoing.

Pauline

For anyone waiting for an update on Pauline, Jessie (her mum) asked that I post it on my blog for now, the family are, as you can imagine, spending all their time with her, so it's easier if I post it here.

The latest information I have tonight is that she is still having a rough ride, she slept well last night and was a bit more upbeat today, but is still very poorly.

I'll update when I know anything more.

Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.

Flippin heck.

I’m speechless here!

I passed health studies, not brilliantly, but I passed (it seems I didn’t waffle enough in the ‘Critical evaluation of the relationship between politics and health’). I got 98% in the first biology course paper and 81% in the exam, just waiting for the other course paper to be marked.

AND...you’ll never guess what.

I flipping well passed sociology, I got 70% so I did. Only waiting to hear how my psychology essay went down and the other biology paper, then its all go with the next module.

I so can’t believe it, I could actually do this.

I am well Blessed.

Sheeeeeesh!! kebabs an all that.

Oh my goodness, what a week.

Tonight I rest, and enjoy.

Tomorrow I'll do some more.

By Monday everything will be handed in and I will have survived the madness of the worst access course ever, according to the tutors.

I'm well happy.

Love to all.

Edit...Erm, I mean I will have survived the first module, I'd be pretty darned clever if I'd done the whole access course n 5 weeks now wouldn't I. Talking to myself now, so I'm going.

Pauline.

Thank you for the messages for Pauline, I know they are very much appreciated by her family. Her sister will be keeping everyone up to speed on the cf forum from now on, so that's where I'm going to post my good wishes, positive vibes and most of all my prayers. If you get a minute, go do it too.

Love to all.

Update.

Just a quick update on Pauline, there's been some improvement today, but prayers and positive thoughts are still very much needed for the improvement to continue. If you read my blog please say a prayer or leave a message for Pauline and her family, it means a lot.

Thank you.
Love to all.
Sue x

Quicky

First of all the news from Pauline's mum this afternoon was a bit better, they are reducing the amount of support she needs which is a positive, however she still needs lots of prayers and positive thoughts, as she is still very poorly.

I did my horrid psychology essay and was told yesterday, no! told is the wrong word here. I'll start again, bare with me. My psychology tutor 'stated' that she would not look at our essays in order to give us a clue whether we were barking up the right tree, but our sociology tutor said she would be only too glad to look it over and point us in the right direction, how very lovely is she eh! Anyway, I wasn't barking up the right tree, in fact I wasn't even in the forest and if this was two weeks ago, I would probably have cried all the way home. But its not and I felt quite 'hop and skip' about it, because its learning and thats why I'm there.

I've done it the right way now anyway.............ner!!

Well at least I think I have.

Love to all.

Prayers and positive thoughts needed.

Pauline, a very good friend of mine needs lots of prayers and positive thoughts right now, please take a moment so say one for her. Pray that the doctors can identify the problem and find the right drug to treat it, also for strength for her family who so need it.

Thank you so much.

Edit..2nd Oct.

Please keep praying for Pauline, she is still very poorly and up until this morning was on ICU, ventilated and sedated.

Learning.

Well here we are nearly a week on from the mare of a day that was last Monday and I do feel a good deal less like hurling myself ‘lemming’ like off a cliff edge. I’m sort of getting a handle on the sociology and psychology now, I can throw a big word in here and there and have inkling what it means. Health studies is going ok and I’m loving our Biology tutor, he’s of the old school and doesn’t listen when you ask a question, he waves his arms about and repeats ‘just listen now, you have to take this in, d’you hear, its important that you understand what I’m saying, you have to know this, right’ (in a very Welsh accent). I know how an electron microscope works now so I must be paying attention. Seriously, I do love him, we all do.

English and maths…….now then, my free writing exercise got me a ‘well done Susan’ and she said I should think about going into the GCSE class, I thought about it for 2 seconds and decided why give myself the extra work load, I only need level 2 in literacy so that’s all I’m doing. Maths is a different story, I’m in the bottom class for sums but it’s a revelation to me and I love it because I was so scared of this subject at school and now its fun. I was like an over excited child after the last lesson and can’t wait to get back in there next week. We only have to do a module in word processing for IT so I should polish that one off easy enough and the other two modules are pretty much talk about yourself in 1500 words and persuade the universities they can’t possibly do without you cos you’re special.

Loads of assessments coming up in 3 weeks and only one re-sit allowed, I’m praying I get through because I’m so enjoying this learning thing (in between nervous breakdowns). Say one for me pleeeeeeze.

Love to all.

Arghhh!!

Arghhhh!!!

Its been a hard hard day today, but I'm not going to cry.

Weaving - the future.

Two weeks into this college lark and I’m knackered, my eyes are gritty and my posture resembles a chair, a very baggy, comfy well-worn one. The kind you snuggle yourself into with a cup of hot choccy in front of a log fire on a cold and frosty night….ahem! I’ve gone off the subject a bit there haven’t I, that’s because I was dreaming of said chair, choccy and relaxation.

There are a heck of a lot less people on the course now than first started and I can understand why, its intensive, jolly hard work and the college are as far away from organised as it gets. They have demolished half of it and are apparently building the biggest one in Europe (yeah right) which will be ready for 2010. We have most of our lessons in Glastonbury that is the name we’ve given to the portable boxes in the middle of a very mucky field without a path. There are no loo’s so we have to hike half a mile if we’re caught short, which we now aren’t, ever, because we’ve remembered that old one your mother used to trot out before you went anywhere. The timetables are enough to drive one over the brink as they are changed on pretty much a daily basis and we can be mid lesson in a proper classroom only to be told its been booked for the one’s learning weaving. So off we go down to the café to wait for our tutor to beg borrow or just plain hijack a room, she gives the nod and we all pile in quick before the weavers do.

Most of the lovely people in the group I hang out with have had their crisis day or night when they wanted to run away and pretend they never wanted to be in the health profession in the first place. I was proudly, nay, egotistically is a better word, anyway I was feeling la-de-da about it all when suddenly out of the blue last night I had my crisis, its all too much I said to myself. I was calm but I was definitely in crisis and it was all over a teeny weeny bit of homework that I’d grappled with for a few days.

‘Is Psychology a Science’? (just a couple of sentences she said)

That’s it, that’s all it was but could I get my head round it, could I heck. Forget the fact that there was loads and loads of other work to do, I didn’t care about that but this little blighter got right up my nose and I wanted to run away. I got up this morning and decided today I was going to crack it, so I mowed the lawns, then I went in the garage to make a start on my den, then I had my tea, then I phoned my mate for a big catch up……..see what I’m doing here? anything I could possibly find to do instead of the psycho thing.

I’ve finally done it now but feel free to debate in the form of comments, I can always copy and paste if I think your is better than mine ;-)

Pics are:

My faithful guard cat Rodney, she knows I hate being down at the bottom of the garden when it’s dark.

The before pic of my den, which will have a big cosy armchair in it.

Love to all.

Banishing demons.

Ok I feel like this particular issue is a quiet time one but I got brave and decided to post it here as well.

I have a learning problem that stems back to childhood, it’s definitley a mental thing rather than anything else though. When I was at school I always managed to get the wrong end of the stick and went off at the wrong angle, I’d write loads and it usually had nothing at all to do with the answer they were looking for. Time after time I’d be told to read the question properly before I waded in with the size 7’s, but I never ever learned to do that so ended up feeling as though I was unteachable ( I know that isn’t a word).

This hasn’t been a problem for many years because I was totally confident in everything regarding running a home, working here and there and bringing up two kids. However I’m now back at school and the old demons are reminding me that it wasn’t easy first time round and I do panic now and again that it will be a repeat performance of an earlier life.

First lesson in Psychology was about childhood memories that we didn’t like being shoved into the unconscious and only emerging into the sub conscious when something triggers it and they leak out, well its leaked now and I’m determined that its going to be dealt with and put to bed. I know I’m capable of learning if I don’t panic about it and put the wall up, so I’m working hard on facing up to my demons and telling them to go to hell, they don’t have a place in my life now. That was a different life and they are not getting a look in on this one……..So there!!

School report.

Just a quick one to let you know whats whats. I'm still in shock a bit with this school thing, there's so much work to do. I'm loving Psychology, don't mind Sociology and not keen on Health Studies I've got Maths and English today (tests to see what level I'm working at) and Biology and IT (core) tomorrow. I've pretty much stuck to my work plan and the cabin down the garden is fast becoming my new home as I need complete quiet to study. Getting on fab with all the people on my course and even the young one's join me for lunch, how nice is that eh!!

Going dancing tonight, I made sure I built that one into my work plan so I still have a life outside the classroom.

I feel alive.......thats very good.

Love to all.

Walk & Work.

Well I now have the grand total of three medals to prove I appeared in Hyde Park and sauntered around the 5k track, I will, as always say ‘I’m going to run it next year’ this has become a bit of a joke but laugh they may because I’ll show em. It was very cold and wet and dismal but it didn’t put us veterans off because we’re hard and anyway we hate to miss out on the yearly hugs with our good buddies. Saturday was magic because I got to see so much of London in the comfort of a warm car and a knowledgeable guide, except for the quick jaunt in Richmond Park, that was chilly but well worth it. The evening was spent in a wonderful restaurant eating very delicious food and chatting which I think is the most enjoyable pastime ever, brilliant, cant wait to do it all again next year. Except the nine and a half hours travelling that is.

I’ve now ticked everything off the list I stressingly blogged about and will be settling into some serious studying as of now, I have homework, two hours of it every night so I have to be good and go do it. Yesterday we had Psychology and Health Studies, I loved the first one and didn’t think much of the second one. I'm still a bit in shock with this school thing so bare with me if I don't appear very often.

Love to all.

All work no play....

Hands up all those who knew I’d be in shock today, well you were right.

I’ve been to school and I’m in no doubt whatsoever that I have my work cut out for me from now until the next Olympics. We had to do the ritual talk to a stranger then introduce them to the class and give them a nickname, my new friend gave me sexy Sue because I do belly dancing. This was a beyond ludicrous because I was the second oldest in the class, the oldest being about 70, but they at least all remember my name (cringe).

This year the universities have changed the rules for the course I’m doing and its now much harder, more intense and there’s less room for earning the 60 credits required to get a place, good I said cos I wanted a challenge…yeah right. I’m told I have to eat drink and sleep this course for the next year or I will not pass, so I have to cut back on playtime on here and get my head down. I’m in the classroom 4 days a week and will be looking for voluntary work for the other day and I agreed to do a short counselling course so I can mentor younger students for half an hour a week. I also need somewhere quiet to study so I’m laying my claim to the cabin at the bottom of the garden, just need to get connected to the internet down there. I laugh loudly as I say that because the horrid thing never works right here so its got no chance after travelling down the garden now has it.

Lots of stuff in my head and I have homework but here I am blogging, its going to be a hard one to break my addiction to trivia and apply myself to serious tapping of the keys but I think I’m ready for it. If I’m on here or facebook too much please feel free to tell me to go do some work, you’ll be helping me.

Love to all.

Deep Breathe

After years of saying to the staff on the cf unit he'd draw a picture for the wall, finally Chris's promise is being kept. I'm taking his sketch today and I have to say I'm a tad nervous and an even bigger tad emotionalish, but I'm so chuffed to be able to do it for him.

Thanks again to my friend Sandy for her encouragement. I'll update later tonight.

It was great to see everyone today and surprisingly I didnt feel like bursting into tears I just felt very comfortable and happy to be there. Dom, the chef who always used to feed me made us a lovely buffet (food again) and I never stopped talking the whole time. When someone mentioned if they could ever do anything to help I leapt in with 'well I have to arrange my own placements for my nurse training' never miss an opportunity I say.

These lovely people were as much a part of my life as they were Chris's and they made me feel very special today, Chris would have loved that.