Time to update where I’m at I think. Life has been hectic, heart warming, sad, happy, confusing, blessed, encouraging, inspirational and a lot more things since I left uni, but most of all it continues to be exciting and for that I thank God.
I have recently become involved in Community Projects within our church. Now that might sound like a ‘here we go, get them to come to a community thing and preach’ I say that because years ago it’s exactly what I would have thought. But….I’ve learned an awful lot in the last few months about just how important belonging to a community is. Knowing that people genuinely care about your thoughts, health, ideas and viewpoint is a humbling and joyous experience. Just taking the time to look for good things in everyone you meet is soooooo the way to go. So! Community spirit! What is it to you?
Some of the key things I remember about Community Spirit when I was growing up on a council estate were:
Front doors were often open and neighbours sat on the step. My mum would regularly shout ‘the kettles on’ and anyone was welcome to a brew.
Everyone knew when someone in the street was poorly and needed a hand with shopping or just a quick visit to see if they were ok.
As kids on our estate we all got together and played games or made dens, often falling out and making up without our parents getting involved.
I remember being sent to the Co-Op for the weekly shop with a cardboard box firmly lodged on a set of pram wheels. When I got to the till, instead of handing over money to pay for what I’d bought I would trot out the ‘Divi number’ and the assistant would get a little note book out and write down how much it came to, so my mum could settle up on pay day. And I got a whole sheet of Greenshield stamps to add to the card that helped with the shopping on a hard up week. If you saved them up for a few years you could buy a toaster!
On New Year’s Eve the darkest haired person in the house was shoved outside the front door with a piece of bread and a chunk of coal, they had to walk around the house and enter through the back door and woe betides that household if they didn’t adhere to it.
When my mum and dad were working they left a front door key dangling inside the letter box so we could get in after school.
On the run up to bonfire night lots of us would be collecting old three piece suites, mattresses, battered tables and chairs, and everyone’s garden rubbish, the bins would be empty for weeks on end because your bonny had to be the biggest, but just when it was, someone would burn it down and you swore to ‘get them’ but never did, you just started all over again.
We had youth clubs, a nightmare for the adults who ran them, but brilliant for the younger generation to get together and just hang out.
After breakfast we were told to get out and play till tea time, so we disappeared for the day making dens with hay bales, throwing ropes round trees or scrumping. At tea time we were hungry, so we ate whatever was put in front of us.
In our house you did not eat between meals unless it was a quick jam butty and you definitely never left the table without clearing your plate and asking ‘please may I leave the table’
Was it perfect? No, but it went a long way to promote community spirit. I openly admit that I wouldn’t have a clue who needed help in my street right now and I wouldn’t dream of sitting on my front step and inviting my neighbours for a brew, they’d think I’d lost the plot. The children in our street never ever play games together and if you can’t afford to pay Tesco or Sainsburys for your shopping on the day you need it, you’ll starve, trust me on that one. There isn’t a soul outside to let the New Year in or just wish one another Happy New Year, bonfire’s are outlawed due to health and safety legislation and youth clubs as I knew them have disappeared. Parents, (me included) got caught up in the many advances of technology that keep our children in front of computers snacking on crisps and fizzy drinks, so of course they aren’t as hungry at teatime as I was and on many occasions mealtimes have become, in my house, three different meals eaten on knees in various rooms.
I think that feeling like you belong and are valued are two of the most important things that we can experience and for me, getting out there and engaging with your neighbours has to be the way forward to start getting that community spirit back.
I originally thought I would take some time out to consider what my next move would be, return to university, look for a job in care, be a homemaker, full time gardener maybe! But as life has a habit of doing it has kind of made my mind up for me.
I’ve decided not to return to the nursing course because the time out has shown me that although I have wanted to be a nurse since I was 16, I had it all a bit confused in my head. I wanted to care for people, yes! But, to be perfectly honest the clinical skills side of things scared the heck out of me, I was terrified of causing any harm to anyone. Not unusual, but when you become nervous about whether you’re doing every single thing absolutely right it does start to lose balance.
Joining the Red Cross in my thirties and having to leave because I felt panicked by an emergency situation should have given me a hint that maybe nursing wasn’t the best choice of career for me. But no, I persisted and convinced myself that I could be taught to deal with such things, it was just a matter of learning the essential skills and I’d be fine. I’d managed to learn many clinical skills and carry them out confidently at home during Chris’s life with CF hadn’t I.
It’s not that I can’t do the blood and guts thing, I’m fine with that, it’s the responsibility of doing anything that could possibly hurt another human being. It frightens the life out of me and that’s not good, it doesn’t make a confident nurse. The turning point came when, as a student I was involved in a situation that could have potentially harmed a patient. As it turned out there was no harm to the patient whatsoever, but my reaction could have been deemed to be over the top. I was mortified about what might have been and I kept going over the what if scenario. I just couldn’t come to terms with it.
Frustration also played a part in why I felt like a square peg in a round hole. I wanted to spend more time on the basic tasks like feeding people and talking to them when they were in need of an ear, but that is more the role of the Health Care Assistants nowadays and at times I envied them, despite the fact that they were run off their feet. I was often called away in the middle of something I considered really important because there was paperwork to be filled in or things to be delivered to another department and that disturbed me. I understand that the ward routine has to have structure otherwise nothing will get done, but I will never understand why, at a crucial time, it can’t be left for a little while longer, because for that patient another few minutes might have made all the difference.
As I said at the beginning my direction has changed and I am now heading down a different path, it’s early days and I’m not sure how things will pan out so I’ll wait until I’m a bit further down the path before I blog about it.
I liked the counsellor a lot and we made some headway with unravelling the bits and pieces that are making my head feel like an out of control hedge full of cobwebs and crawly things, so I’ll be going back there again. I don’t think she noticed my ravaged arms because when she offered me a pen I managed to pick it up at one with my hip in a smooth flowing type motion. Lessons learned from today are, don’t cut thorny hedges before a counselling session and always keep a cardi in the car.
It’s been a good day today, I have been fed and watered by three of my lovely friends and my head is a weeny bit clearer. Praise God!
