Jessie

Now and again in life you meet someone who's very special, sometimes you don't realise it at the time and other times you just know straight away that this person is someone who you'll want in your life for ever, as I did with Jessie.

Jessie first came into my life through our connection on the cf forum where we exchanged a few posts, but our friendship grew when our Chris had his transplant and I was living in a bungalow at the hospital. She rang me regularly to chat and as a mum who's daughter (Pauline) was post transplant I can't begin to tell anyone what a huge support that was, not only did it help me to look beyond the transplant but it also felt so reassuring to talk to another mum who'd been where I was.

We kept in touch and she was there for me whenever I needed to talk about Chris's recovery from the operation, it's a rocky time and quite often I'd wonder whether this or that was 'normal' so I'd pick up the phone and within minutes she'd have me wondering why on earth I was getting wound up. Just three months after Chris's transplant I was sitting in the kitchen when the phone rang "Hiya Sue, it's Jessie, where is your local train station" said this lovely Scottish voice. I couldn't believe it, how brilliant that I was going to meet her in person. I'll never forget how I felt when I first saw her, it was like I'd known her all my life and John, Mike and Chris loved her instantly.

When Chris got poorly and I was once again living in the bungalow at the hospital Jess rang me regularly and sometimes it would be very late at night when I'd text to ask if she was still up and she always said she was, bless her. Not long after we said goodbye to Chris John and I finally got up to the lovely village in Scotland where Jessie lived and we also got to meet Pauline at long last. We had a cracking time and we were made so welcome by everyone, even as we were leaving I was mentally planning when I could get back up there.

Our chance came when Jess was celebrating her 70th birthday and I couldn't wait to see everyone again, what a brilliant night that was and what an amazing family she had around her. I can honestly say I've never met anyone with as much energy as she had that night, she didn't stay still for a second.

Sadly we knew Jess was poorly but we hoped and prayed that such a special person would be around for many more years. But it wasn't to be and Jessie's family had to say goodbye to her on Mothers day.

God Bless you Jessie I'm so glad you came into my life and I'm going to miss you terribly but your wonderful outlook will be what stays with me for ever.

Praying for all Jessie's family and friends at this very sad time.

Wave alert.

I think I'm having a wave phase. It started on the way back from Tesco's when flippin Leane Ryhmes came on the radio singing 'How do I live without you' it floored me and I've been helpless ever since. It's Mothers day tomorrow and it's very hard.

Sending big hugs to all my friends who will also find tomorrow hard, I'm thinking about you all.

Going up.

I'm getting to be a right little blogger lately cos here I am again :D

I made a decision this morning to see the counsellor in college about my problem. I decided to seek him out and chuck the ball in his court, but it didn't quite work out that way. I actually bumped into him as soon as I walked in this morning and he said 'is everything going ok' or words to that effect. I blurbed it straight out 'I need your help' and he looked slightly startled for a minute, probably wondering what the heck I was going to ask him to solve. I explained, no I didn't, I whinged in a babbling manner about not being able to get in a lift.

To cut a very long story short he gave me two options, the short way or the long way. My course doesn't have all that long to run now so I chose the short option and I've been in one twice today. It was terrifying and I cried like a baby, but I did it. I just have to keep practising now and I will. Bless him, he even had the maintenance guy meet me and explain that he had a special key that would open the doors of he lift at any point. I also had a gang of trusty mates willing me on and my lovely friend in the lift with us.

I've accomplished a massive thing today and I would never have guessed that signing up to do a course would be the start of getting rid of a phobia, but hey!!! God works in mysterious ways.

1+1=3 or is it?

Back to it tomorrow and I have a couple of things I need to address

• Numbers.


• Lifts.

1. I have to be capable of not over or under dosing the patients....right.

The week before we broke up I failed the level 2 numeracy miserably. Numbers are a mystery to me, I can add, subtract, multiply, divide and other such simple things in my head, I know my tables backwards and can do the hey diddle diddle one's, but the minute it has more than one calculation and asks for the answer in a percentage, I flap, and my eyes only see the arrow that says 'next question'. Anyway today at church I got talking to a lovely girl who is also doing an access course, not to nursing though, hers is to science. She asked how I was getting on and I said fine except for the maths, 'Oh I'm really good at maths' she said. I was impressed, I get impressed when someone is really good at something I find difficult. Like when they come to fit a carpet, they fling it down any old way, push and prod and it fits perfectly, that impresses me a lot. I wandered then! Anyway she's going to sort me out next week after the service and I've decided it will click this time.

2. I can't stick the patient in a lift and say 'I'll meet you upstairs'...can I.

While I've been off this week I've been up and down to the hospital because my Auntie is in. I've been taking my mum up and she requires a wheelchair and an able body to wheel her. So far so good. Now we come to the lift, the door opens and I push my mum in, I manage to get my toes in and then I ask the nice people in the lift to push my mum out on the 2nd floor and I run in the opposite direction. I don't have a strategy in place as yet to get over this claustrophobia thing, but it's not going to beat me. I'm sure they have classes for such phobias, I mean people get over the fear of spiders, snakes and heights, I've seen them on telly.

If anyone out there has conquered a fear thing then I'd be interested to know how you did it.

Thank you very much.

Silly spend

You know when you think you 'must have' a certain thing, even though there's a naggy little voice repeating down your ear 'NO', we've all done it, surely?

Well I decided I must have this conservatory furniture, it was a snip, couch and two chairs with matching table and four chairs - £150, what a bargain. Off I went to the local DIY shop, (where I used to work) to plead for the van. Having secured it for a couple of hours I smiled a lot because I now enjoy driving different vehicles.

As soon as I saw the furniture that voice in my ear went very loud and shouted 'NO ITS TOO BIG'. I muttered back at it 'I can turn it sideways, shut up'. We had to dismantle the conservatory door at my Aunties house to get it out and the voice of reason smirked 'told ya'. I ignored it yet again because I had to have the damn thing.

Only the couch and two chairs would fit in the van so I had to leave the table and chairs there, to be picked up when I could scrounge the van again.

I don't think you have to be particularly intelligent to work out the end of this little tale, do you. I've had a nightmare of a time with it and it's now going to live in the cabin because it wont fit where I wanted it to, but will I listen to that naggy voice next time? Nope of course I wont.

Why do they make door holes so small and furniture so big?

Mike and Sophie have been ice skating tonight and I have a yen to do it, so I've added it to my 1-10 list. Incidentally my first proper date with John was at the Silver Blades ice rink in Liverpool, what a scream that was, I'm sure I have a wee pic taken in one of them booths, ahhhh! to be 16 again :D

Back to college Monday so I'm chillin big time tomorrow, it's been really good to have a week at home and spend time with people who mean a lot to me, but I'm hungry for more knowledge now.

Elated (big huge grin)

I passed the biology exam today and as long as I pass the 5 assignments, I'm there with that one. I did ok in sociology and got a good mark, pschycology I felt went ok, (won't know for definite till after half term), but................. I think I've passed the third module. Woooohoooo!!

Only two more modules to go now, I think I can do this. It's been very tough but the feeling I have tonight is indescribable.

Special thanks to every single one of you who have encouraged me and a big thank you to Vicky who sorted my head out for biology last night.

Blessed to bits I am.

Under pressure...

Getting my place at Uni was fab but it's conditional on passing this course, two down for this module, two to go, maths on Thursday should be ok but passing Biology this time will require nothing short of a miracle. Say one for me people....pleeeeze!

Student Nurse proper.

Oh my goodness!

Oh my goodness again!

I have offers from both of the universities I had interviews at. I can't beleive it really and I'm crying very very happy tears. Me doing a degree in nursing!! How Blessed am I eh! It's difficult to put across exactly how I'm feeling right now. Wildly happy about where my life is going and deeply sad that Chris isn't here to share it with me just about sums it up.

This has been one very emotional week.

Excited and a tad nervous.

This is a new emotion for me, I haven't felt this twittering in my tummy for many a moon. I have an interview at a university tomorrow and another one on Thursday. Considering I was leaving college last week, I now have to get my 'I really really want to be a nurse' head back on.

I had a freak out the last few last weeks and was torn between forging ahead and thinking only of myself, or packing college in and (imagining) my being at home was better for everybody. I'm human and I get things a bit puddled in my head sometimes, but I'm sorted now, just a tad nervous about the interview thing. I hate the grey questions like 'why do you want to be a nurse' and why did you choose this university, though my mate did set me in good stead for saying why I want Wrexham tomorrow.

1. Because I've always wanted to speak Welsh.
2. Because I love lamb.
3. Because I don't have to pay.

Thank you to everybody who put up with my whining recently and to all who have given me good old sound advice or just kept me busy with general chit chat. You're stars all of you.

Much love
Nervous Chester.

Edit
The interview went ok I think, I talked a lot and I smiled a lot, in fact I grinned from the minute I went in until I exited, now I'm wondering if they think I took any of it seriously. I had the good fortune to have worked with one of the interviewers and don't think I ever upset him all them years ago (except the times when I worked in the kitchen and ate his dinner then said there hadn't been enough for him). He couldn't interview me of course, that wouldn't be right, but I'm hoping he might tell one or two of the panel that I'm an ok lady.

How's this for an essay title:

'The factors affecting the domestic division of labour and power relations between couples'

I am the least feminist person you will ever meet, but I feel that to pass this one, I may have to burn my bra.

Prayers needed.

Ethan is 13 months old and has lived in hospital all his life. As in literally, bar one day, hospital has been the only place he has known.

Ethan was born with his intestines outside the body and following an attempt to reinsert them, Ethan needed to start TPN, an intravenous form of feeding. Ethan now urgently needs a small bowel and liver transplant.

Please say a prayer for this little man to get his call soon.
Thank you.

To be or not to be.......

What is it about February?

It seems to me that whenever I have a big re-evaluation of things, it just happens to always be February. It’s come a bit early this year, or maybe it hasn’t, because my mind isn’t fully made up yet, but it will be sometime in February.

Confused?

Yep, so am I.

Hahahaha!

They've got to be having a laugh!

Sociology assignment - A poster.

Health Studies assignment - A scrap book.

I had to write, and act, in a play on Monday.

I'm an academic now, I don't want to present flippin Blue Peter.

Me & Mike's mates, I love this pic.

Oh deary me.

I blame the sun for writing my car off today, it shouldn't be so blindingly shiny. I also blame pick-up trucks that park in line with the sun, it makes them invisible.

I was so lucky, if I'd been in our Mike's sporty job, I probably wouldn't be here blogging, because the bar that's supposed to stop you going under the truck fell off and the back of the thing was about 5 inches from my screen. Thank goodness my lovely Fiesta (well half of one now) has a fat bonnet.

I now need a large vodka, a chippy meal and......a new car.

P.S. If you want to impress your dinner guests, serve them roasted garlic and butternut squash soup, it's delicious. Thanks Em :D

Soopy

First of all, apologies for the Christmas cards that never got there, it's because I didn't send them. I thought about every single person I wanted to send a card to and wished them a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, but I did it in my head and decided they would much rather I donated to a good cause. So for everyone out there who knows they would have got a card, you helped a really good cause.

Now then, I need a tasty soup recipe by Tuesday night, no blue cheese though. I have some I've made before and loads of recipe's but I really would love one from someone who's passionate about a soup they've tried and tested. Thank you.

Happy New Year everyone.

P.S. If you pray, can I ask you to please say one for Jake, he's having a very rough time at the moment. You might not know him, but God will know who you're praying for. Thanks.

Catch up

I'm on holiday now, a very much needed one I must say. This last module has wrung every ounce of energy out of me and very near finished me off. I've passed everything, despite the biology tutor dishing out the biggest, hardest, most student unfriendly amount of work in history. I managed to get 70% in psychology and sociology and 83% in the biology exam, also passed level 1 maths, but numbers continue to throw me into a state of despair, I think I have number dyslexia actually, if such a thing exists.

So, it's Christmas, and I put my trees up yesterday, while trying to focus after a very very late night out. They look beautiful as always, because I'm good at decorating trees and don't allow anyone here to unbalance my colour scheme, however I have to redecorate it daily, because our Rodney, wrecks it overnight. We've got Chris's tree up and will be adding to it each year, this year I'm going to pick up something to do with The Beatles, because he particularly liked John Lennon. I'm off to Liverpool Christmas shopping today, so I'm bound to find something suitable.

What else have I got to blog about... nothing, really, because I haven't had time to do anything apart from study. Maybe that was a good move eh!! A couple of pics to prove I still exist.

Night out at Chester racecourse.

College night out in Liverpool

Hope everyone's enjoying the festive, apologies for the lateness in sending Christmas cards, they will be posted on Monday, just to keep the posties on thier toes! ;-) Oh and A Very Happy Christmas to all. I so miss everyone from the cf community, I really do.

Much love.

Blimey!

I don't know whether I'm coming or going at the moment. Aren't exams fun eh....

What the......

I thought I'd do a quick blog tonight, because I'm a wee bit amused or should I say, bemused. If you've been reading my blog for some time, you'll remember the day my hubby went shopping for a pump for the pond and ended up purchasing a house for the garden. Bless him, he never spends anything for ages, but when he does, it's usually very random, gadgety and costs us a fair whack.

Last week he asked me if I was staying home on my day off, because he wanted to arrange a delivery. I did indeed intend to stay home that day, because we didn't have a clean dish in the house and I could no longer navigate my way to the bedroom without a risk assessment. I have to say I was a bit reluctant to ask what exactly was being delivered, due to doing a quick mental check, and realising he was about due for a 'silly spend'. I braved it though and was, as always, a bit lost for words when he replied 'I've bought US a generator'. 'Oh' I said, 'that's nice' and then I couldn't think of anything else to say.

It came on Wednesday and it's been sat in the middle of the kitchen floor, in it's box, until this morning when he asked our Mike to give him a hand to get it out of it's box. I felt I had to make some positive noises about it, so I said 'It's a well pretty colour love' and it is, it's bright yellow with black knobs and things. He says it's just in case we have a power cut and I can't do my college work or my blog. Loosely translated I think this means the big yellow wolf is my Christmas pressy. I'll bet nobody out there has ever had such a....a....erm, useful and positively shiny bit of machinery from Santa. I'm very lucky to have a hubby who goes that extra mile and I'm soooooo glad he never asked me what I wanted, because silly me would have said, Jolie Madame (my fav perfume), a deep tissue full body regenerating massage, maybe just a working set of taps in the bathroom or two pieces of bedroom furniture that match. But he read my subconscious desires and instead he got me a generator, Bless him to bits.

It's still sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, only now it's next to it's box, which has to stay there apparently, because the cats like it. I'm going to post a pic when I find my camera, just so you can admire it.

'BUZZ'

Oh yeah before I go, is there anyone out there who knows which blood vessel has the highest temperature? I'm stuck on that one.

Thank you, love to all, hope you all get what you 'subconsciously' want from santa ;-)

Progress

The latest news from Pauline's mum was on Thursday and said 'Pauline moving on ok. Feeding the big problem now. Hopeful upward trend will continue'

Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.

Some brilliant news this week, is that William got his transplant. Click on Sarah in the blog list to read the latest on how he's doing.

Praise God for answering our prayers.

Learning parrot fashion.

Our English class was so random this week, anything can happen at our college you know.

I've also just noticed that I've been blogging for two years, worra lorra yappin.

High School

Well the next module is underway now and it will probably be a while until I can be frivolous with my time at the keyboard again. I'm still loving being at college, loving learning, loving meeting new people and most of all loving the 8 item breakfast. Our biology tutor is a darlin, he doesn't do politically correct and he scares the life out of us, but we love him to bits and we know for sure he'll get us all through this subject, bless him.

We're still having to walk through a muddy field to a house on wheels for some lessons, they did try fencing it off so we had to walk half a mile round, but we leaned on the post till it fell over and squashed through the weeny gap. No! I haven't really changed that much since leaving school. In fact in English my mate signed me in as Mickey Mouse, so I drew on her and she drew on me and so on....I thoroughly recommend this sort of therapy, give it a go sometime.

I passed the City and Guilds literacy exam on Thursday and I'll tell you what, it was one of the best feelings of personal achievement I have ever had, my very first official qualification in the whole of my life. However it definitely won't be the last, Ooooooh noooo.

Now then I need some help with this next bit and would be glad if anyone could give me some ideas. I've been talked into going on a night out on the last day of college before Christmas, but there's a catch. Everyone has to dress as a Disney character and we all have to be different, who can I be? I also have to trek round Liverpool until 3am because that's when the coach is booked to pick us up. I haven't seen 3am for a very very long time so I will most likely curl up somewhere quiet at The Pier Head and still be there the next morning, whereupon I will go looking for a greasy cafe dressed as Cruella and be arrested. All good entertainment though.

I'm off for my tea now, then I'm playing scrabble, then, and only then I'll do a wee bit of research on 'participant observation', if anyone gets the urge to put in their twopeneth on the strengths and weaknesses of this, please feel free.

Love to all.

I don't like Mondays

Back to college proper today, I think I'll tootle in for a full cooked this morning.

Tra-la-la.

:D

Update

I've just spoken to Pauline's mum and the latest news is:

'Pauline has improved immensely, we're looking for better things to come'

For all those out there who are praying and thinking positive thoughts for her, please keep it up.

I'll update again when I hear.

Love to all.

A Beautiful Day

I'm having a totally awsome day today, this morning's service was so uplifting and I'm back out at 4pm because our church is holding the get together of several Wirral churches tonight.

Woohooooo!!!

Pauline.

For anyone waiting for news of Pauline, the latest text from her mum was on the 3rd of November and said;

'A good sleep, so hopeful of a good day, the dialysis is likely so will be tiring for Pauline'

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Catch up.

Blimey is it nearly a week since I blogged!!

I'd like to say I've been busy with college stuff, but I've been off because it's half term. I don't agree with this half term lark, it halts my motivation-ness and I can't for the life of me sit down and work, knowing I have a few more days where I can wander round the beach, potter in the garage etc...

Anyway, the latest testing thing is this personal statement everyone has to write, in order to get into your chosen university. I mean, it's hard to sell yourself isn't it, especially when you (I) have no academic qualifications. I've decided mine is going to be very informal, a bit like chatting to a tutor instead of an anonymous bod. Make them want to read more, they said, so I'm telling them about my 1-10 list of things to do before I die, but I'm not saying what's on it, or what I've knocked off - Ha!! I bet they'll be dying to know all about it, they'll probably ring me straight away to go for an interview ;-)

Yesterday I finally got off my rear and went to look for some voluntary work at my local nursing home. I used to do a bit of part time work there, so I thought it would be a good place to start. I rang the bell and low and behold an old friend answered, "I'm looking for some voluntary work" I said, whereupon I was dragged to the office and given a uniform. Just waiting to be checked out by the criminal investigation people and I'm in, flippin heck only a Sunday off for the next year.

We're doing child development in psychology when we go back, so if you want to know how your children tick, phone me. In biology we started the respiratory system before we broke up, that was quite hard at first for reasons known to a lot of you who know me. It's spirometers next, how ironic that I should be where I am now, you just never know what's round the corner in this life.

I'm loving my life, truly Blessed I am.

I don't have any news about Pauline I'm afraid as I've not heard from her mum for nearly a week and I don't feel it's right to mither, as soon as I do hear I'll post. Keep them all in your thoughts and prayers wont you.

Love to all.

A good day

'Pauline has had a good day today and has been able to talk, eat yoghurt and drink tea, at last'

That's tonights text.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers that this is ongoing.

Pauline

For anyone waiting for an update on Pauline, Jessie (her mum) asked that I post it on my blog for now, the family are, as you can imagine, spending all their time with her, so it's easier if I post it here.

The latest information I have tonight is that she is still having a rough ride, she slept well last night and was a bit more upbeat today, but is still very poorly.

I'll update when I know anything more.

Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.

Flippin heck.

I’m speechless here!

I passed health studies, not brilliantly, but I passed (it seems I didn’t waffle enough in the ‘Critical evaluation of the relationship between politics and health’). I got 98% in the first biology course paper and 81% in the exam, just waiting for the other course paper to be marked.

AND...you’ll never guess what.

I flipping well passed sociology, I got 70% so I did. Only waiting to hear how my psychology essay went down and the other biology paper, then its all go with the next module.

I so can’t believe it, I could actually do this.

I am well Blessed.

Sheeeeeesh!! kebabs an all that.

Oh my goodness, what a week.

Tonight I rest, and enjoy.

Tomorrow I'll do some more.

By Monday everything will be handed in and I will have survived the madness of the worst access course ever, according to the tutors.

I'm well happy.

Love to all.

Edit...Erm, I mean I will have survived the first module, I'd be pretty darned clever if I'd done the whole access course n 5 weeks now wouldn't I. Talking to myself now, so I'm going.

Pauline.

Thank you for the messages for Pauline, I know they are very much appreciated by her family. Her sister will be keeping everyone up to speed on the cf forum from now on, so that's where I'm going to post my good wishes, positive vibes and most of all my prayers. If you get a minute, go do it too.

Love to all.

Update.

Just a quick update on Pauline, there's been some improvement today, but prayers and positive thoughts are still very much needed for the improvement to continue. If you read my blog please say a prayer or leave a message for Pauline and her family, it means a lot.

Thank you.
Love to all.
Sue x

Quicky

First of all the news from Pauline's mum this afternoon was a bit better, they are reducing the amount of support she needs which is a positive, however she still needs lots of prayers and positive thoughts, as she is still very poorly.

I did my horrid psychology essay and was told yesterday, no! told is the wrong word here. I'll start again, bare with me. My psychology tutor 'stated' that she would not look at our essays in order to give us a clue whether we were barking up the right tree, but our sociology tutor said she would be only too glad to look it over and point us in the right direction, how very lovely is she eh! Anyway, I wasn't barking up the right tree, in fact I wasn't even in the forest and if this was two weeks ago, I would probably have cried all the way home. But its not and I felt quite 'hop and skip' about it, because its learning and thats why I'm there.

I've done it the right way now anyway.............ner!!

Well at least I think I have.

Love to all.

Prayers and positive thoughts needed.

Pauline, a very good friend of mine needs lots of prayers and positive thoughts right now, please take a moment so say one for her. Pray that the doctors can identify the problem and find the right drug to treat it, also for strength for her family who so need it.

Thank you so much.

Edit..2nd Oct.

Please keep praying for Pauline, she is still very poorly and up until this morning was on ICU, ventilated and sedated.

Learning.

Well here we are nearly a week on from the mare of a day that was last Monday and I do feel a good deal less like hurling myself ‘lemming’ like off a cliff edge. I’m sort of getting a handle on the sociology and psychology now, I can throw a big word in here and there and have inkling what it means. Health studies is going ok and I’m loving our Biology tutor, he’s of the old school and doesn’t listen when you ask a question, he waves his arms about and repeats ‘just listen now, you have to take this in, d’you hear, its important that you understand what I’m saying, you have to know this, right’ (in a very Welsh accent). I know how an electron microscope works now so I must be paying attention. Seriously, I do love him, we all do.

English and maths…….now then, my free writing exercise got me a ‘well done Susan’ and she said I should think about going into the GCSE class, I thought about it for 2 seconds and decided why give myself the extra work load, I only need level 2 in literacy so that’s all I’m doing. Maths is a different story, I’m in the bottom class for sums but it’s a revelation to me and I love it because I was so scared of this subject at school and now its fun. I was like an over excited child after the last lesson and can’t wait to get back in there next week. We only have to do a module in word processing for IT so I should polish that one off easy enough and the other two modules are pretty much talk about yourself in 1500 words and persuade the universities they can’t possibly do without you cos you’re special.

Loads of assessments coming up in 3 weeks and only one re-sit allowed, I’m praying I get through because I’m so enjoying this learning thing (in between nervous breakdowns). Say one for me pleeeeeeze.

Love to all.

Arghhh!!

Arghhhh!!!

Its been a hard hard day today, but I'm not going to cry.

Weaving - the future.

Two weeks into this college lark and I’m knackered, my eyes are gritty and my posture resembles a chair, a very baggy, comfy well-worn one. The kind you snuggle yourself into with a cup of hot choccy in front of a log fire on a cold and frosty night….ahem! I’ve gone off the subject a bit there haven’t I, that’s because I was dreaming of said chair, choccy and relaxation.

There are a heck of a lot less people on the course now than first started and I can understand why, its intensive, jolly hard work and the college are as far away from organised as it gets. They have demolished half of it and are apparently building the biggest one in Europe (yeah right) which will be ready for 2010. We have most of our lessons in Glastonbury that is the name we’ve given to the portable boxes in the middle of a very mucky field without a path. There are no loo’s so we have to hike half a mile if we’re caught short, which we now aren’t, ever, because we’ve remembered that old one your mother used to trot out before you went anywhere. The timetables are enough to drive one over the brink as they are changed on pretty much a daily basis and we can be mid lesson in a proper classroom only to be told its been booked for the one’s learning weaving. So off we go down to the café to wait for our tutor to beg borrow or just plain hijack a room, she gives the nod and we all pile in quick before the weavers do.

Most of the lovely people in the group I hang out with have had their crisis day or night when they wanted to run away and pretend they never wanted to be in the health profession in the first place. I was proudly, nay, egotistically is a better word, anyway I was feeling la-de-da about it all when suddenly out of the blue last night I had my crisis, its all too much I said to myself. I was calm but I was definitely in crisis and it was all over a teeny weeny bit of homework that I’d grappled with for a few days.

‘Is Psychology a Science’? (just a couple of sentences she said)

That’s it, that’s all it was but could I get my head round it, could I heck. Forget the fact that there was loads and loads of other work to do, I didn’t care about that but this little blighter got right up my nose and I wanted to run away. I got up this morning and decided today I was going to crack it, so I mowed the lawns, then I went in the garage to make a start on my den, then I had my tea, then I phoned my mate for a big catch up……..see what I’m doing here? anything I could possibly find to do instead of the psycho thing.

I’ve finally done it now but feel free to debate in the form of comments, I can always copy and paste if I think your is better than mine ;-)

Pics are:

My faithful guard cat Rodney, she knows I hate being down at the bottom of the garden when it’s dark.

The before pic of my den, which will have a big cosy armchair in it.

Love to all.

Banishing demons.

Ok I feel like this particular issue is a quiet time one but I got brave and decided to post it here as well.

I have a learning problem that stems back to childhood, it’s definitley a mental thing rather than anything else though. When I was at school I always managed to get the wrong end of the stick and went off at the wrong angle, I’d write loads and it usually had nothing at all to do with the answer they were looking for. Time after time I’d be told to read the question properly before I waded in with the size 7’s, but I never ever learned to do that so ended up feeling as though I was unteachable ( I know that isn’t a word).

This hasn’t been a problem for many years because I was totally confident in everything regarding running a home, working here and there and bringing up two kids. However I’m now back at school and the old demons are reminding me that it wasn’t easy first time round and I do panic now and again that it will be a repeat performance of an earlier life.

First lesson in Psychology was about childhood memories that we didn’t like being shoved into the unconscious and only emerging into the sub conscious when something triggers it and they leak out, well its leaked now and I’m determined that its going to be dealt with and put to bed. I know I’m capable of learning if I don’t panic about it and put the wall up, so I’m working hard on facing up to my demons and telling them to go to hell, they don’t have a place in my life now. That was a different life and they are not getting a look in on this one……..So there!!

School report.

Just a quick one to let you know whats whats. I'm still in shock a bit with this school thing, there's so much work to do. I'm loving Psychology, don't mind Sociology and not keen on Health Studies I've got Maths and English today (tests to see what level I'm working at) and Biology and IT (core) tomorrow. I've pretty much stuck to my work plan and the cabin down the garden is fast becoming my new home as I need complete quiet to study. Getting on fab with all the people on my course and even the young one's join me for lunch, how nice is that eh!!

Going dancing tonight, I made sure I built that one into my work plan so I still have a life outside the classroom.

I feel alive.......thats very good.

Love to all.

Walk & Work.

Well I now have the grand total of three medals to prove I appeared in Hyde Park and sauntered around the 5k track, I will, as always say ‘I’m going to run it next year’ this has become a bit of a joke but laugh they may because I’ll show em. It was very cold and wet and dismal but it didn’t put us veterans off because we’re hard and anyway we hate to miss out on the yearly hugs with our good buddies. Saturday was magic because I got to see so much of London in the comfort of a warm car and a knowledgeable guide, except for the quick jaunt in Richmond Park, that was chilly but well worth it. The evening was spent in a wonderful restaurant eating very delicious food and chatting which I think is the most enjoyable pastime ever, brilliant, cant wait to do it all again next year. Except the nine and a half hours travelling that is.

I’ve now ticked everything off the list I stressingly blogged about and will be settling into some serious studying as of now, I have homework, two hours of it every night so I have to be good and go do it. Yesterday we had Psychology and Health Studies, I loved the first one and didn’t think much of the second one. I'm still a bit in shock with this school thing so bare with me if I don't appear very often.

Love to all.

All work no play....

Hands up all those who knew I’d be in shock today, well you were right.

I’ve been to school and I’m in no doubt whatsoever that I have my work cut out for me from now until the next Olympics. We had to do the ritual talk to a stranger then introduce them to the class and give them a nickname, my new friend gave me sexy Sue because I do belly dancing. This was a beyond ludicrous because I was the second oldest in the class, the oldest being about 70, but they at least all remember my name (cringe).

This year the universities have changed the rules for the course I’m doing and its now much harder, more intense and there’s less room for earning the 60 credits required to get a place, good I said cos I wanted a challenge…yeah right. I’m told I have to eat drink and sleep this course for the next year or I will not pass, so I have to cut back on playtime on here and get my head down. I’m in the classroom 4 days a week and will be looking for voluntary work for the other day and I agreed to do a short counselling course so I can mentor younger students for half an hour a week. I also need somewhere quiet to study so I’m laying my claim to the cabin at the bottom of the garden, just need to get connected to the internet down there. I laugh loudly as I say that because the horrid thing never works right here so its got no chance after travelling down the garden now has it.

Lots of stuff in my head and I have homework but here I am blogging, its going to be a hard one to break my addiction to trivia and apply myself to serious tapping of the keys but I think I’m ready for it. If I’m on here or facebook too much please feel free to tell me to go do some work, you’ll be helping me.

Love to all.

Deep Breathe

After years of saying to the staff on the cf unit he'd draw a picture for the wall, finally Chris's promise is being kept. I'm taking his sketch today and I have to say I'm a tad nervous and an even bigger tad emotionalish, but I'm so chuffed to be able to do it for him.

Thanks again to my friend Sandy for her encouragement. I'll update later tonight.

It was great to see everyone today and surprisingly I didnt feel like bursting into tears I just felt very comfortable and happy to be there. Dom, the chef who always used to feed me made us a lovely buffet (food again) and I never stopped talking the whole time. When someone mentioned if they could ever do anything to help I leapt in with 'well I have to arrange my own placements for my nurse training' never miss an opportunity I say.

These lovely people were as much a part of my life as they were Chris's and they made me feel very special today, Chris would have loved that.

What a cracking time we’ve had and how very friendly are the Scots eh!!

Although we only knew a few people among the hundred or more at Friday night's birthday bash we felt like we were among friends we’d known all our life, it was brilliant.

I’m giving a run down of the pics instead of captions under each one because blogger is moody.

1 – John and the birthday girl.
2 – Me and Pauline.
3 – Jessie on the dance floor…..again.
4 – Pauline & Andy.
5 - Our room was called Glenfiddich and these were the pics on the wall......love it.

The food was so yummy at the party I had to take an extra plate of it back to the hotel, I nibbled before bed, again when I woke at 5am and finished it off in the car on the way home. Did I mention that the breakfast was to die for and that butcher man makes the best pies I’ve ever tasted.

I can honestly say I’ve never ever seen anyone with as much energy as Jessie she wasn’t static for more than five seconds the whole night.

Counting the days till I see you all again, thank you for making us so welcome.

P.S. Pauline I'll put all the pics on facebook.

The Good the Bad and the Ugly.

I haven’t really got anything to blog about but I’ve got an overwhelming urge to do a waffley one, its been a while since I wrote loads about nothing in particular so bear with me, I’ll be normal again soon honest.

I have a very very busy time coming up and I have a tickle in my stomach, it’s the one that happens when you know you’re way behind in practical terms but your mind is miles ahead of you. I haven’t slept at all well with it all going round and round and I reckoned if I blog about it then it will fool my mind into thinking I’m more ahead than I am, this is good.

We’re off to Scotland tomorrow till Saturday and I can’t wait, I’m excited because I’m going to see a lovely friend who’s having a birthday bash, this is well good. I’ve had every top and frock on in every shop for miles around and hated them all, this is bad,

We have the church barbecue on Sunday afternoon after the service, this is relaxing and good.

On Monday I’m taking Chris’s drawing over to the CF unit, this is very good. I said I’d write an article to go in their magazine and I have a head that refuses point blank to put some words together, this is bad.

Up to now Tuesday is being kept free for the hundred things that will come up.

Wednesday and Thursday are induction days at college, this is a mix of good and apprehension.

Friday is run round like a headless chicken checking everything is in place to travel to London in the morning for the Hydro, this is a mix of panic and good, mostly panic.

Train leaves Chester at 7-30am, hard cheese if I didn’t get everything done yesterday.

Saturday doing much good stuff with two lovely friends, this is fun and good.

Sunday morning travel to Hyde Park to meet up with more lovely friends and WALK the 5k, this is excitingly good.

Train leaves Euston at 4pm Sunday and arrives in Chester sometime after 7pm this is a looooong time, why haven’t they invented something to beam me back?

Monday morning I go back to school full time for 4 years, its going to require mega effort to stay awake that day, this is a mix of good bad and downright ugly if I don’t get some decent kip sometime soon.

Do I feel more relaxed now its out of my head………..nope! in fact I feel worse because I could have ironed our togs for tomorrow instead of sitting here whingeing :D

Love to all.

Blog stuff

I have some time on my hands today because the motor has gone for its once a year 'sorry its failed and its going to cost you £300' test and I'm a bit bored as well because facebook has removed my favourite pastime. So I'm playing about with the layout on my blog but I'm a bit stuck.

I want to add a link for people to contact me by email, can anyone out there tell me whether I have to display my email address on the blog or if I can just put a link to it. If that makes sense.

Thank you.

Quarry Bank Mill/Styal.

Hubby's been off a week and two days and we've waited patiently for decent weather, it wasn't going to happen was it, so today we ventured out in the rain cos we're British and 'ard'. Hubby's suggestion of a cotton mill went down as easy as swallowing a piece of thorny hedge, its got a massive water wheel he said, oh I said, its got working machinery he enthused, oh I said, its got a secret garden and a resaurant, he had me with that one.

Because it takes an awfully long time for me to put pics on here and caption them I'm going to tell you about them now and you'll have to remember whats what. The the mill from the outside, me in a cave, view, secret garden, machines and matching hat and bag (for clare).

I have to say I was totally absorbed in this place, I read every bit of info and did all the hands on displays, there were a few of these things dotted about called The Gov'nor so I asked John what they were, he gave me a knowing look because I'm not the easiest person in the world to explain technical stuff to. He said 'those two balls swing round, get wider and push a rod up' Oh I said thats impressive isnt it. I feel my brain is expanding with these trips.

Love to all.

Dozy Berk!

Whilst trying to delete one friends blog link I inadvertently deleted them all, I'd love to blame it all on blogger but it would be an out and out lie it was moi.

I'll add them all again soon, just so you know I wasn't becoming antisocial in my old age.

:D

More excitement in my world.

Ooooowwww!!! I'm very excited again.

I've just rung the cf nurse to arrange to take Chris's drawing up and she's asked me if I'd be prepared do a write up and have a photo taken presenting the pic to the unit and it'll be going in their magazine..........woooohoooo!! What a wonderful tribute that will be to our Chris.

So its back to scribbling some notes down again, great practice for studentness this is. Note to myself though, do not write a book they only need a write up.

I don’t know where to begin about Sunday, it was an amazing day, one I’ll never ever forget. I was surprised to find I wasn’t quite as nervous about giving my testimony in public as I thought I’d be when I first open my eyes and even managed a couple of pieces of toast. However, as the hours ticked by (yes hours because I was up at dawn) I began to feel the old knee’s getting a bit wobbly.

The logistics of the day kept my mind occupied because we had to take a different route to the one we normally take to church in order to pick my mum up on the way. I also had my lovely friend Eve travelling with me and John, our Mike and Sophie following us and my sister Julie and niece Natalie following at the back. Only I knew the way so we had to make sure we didn’t lose them.

I can’t describe how special it was for me to have them all coming to my Baptism, especially our Mike who is still very angry about Chris leaving us, I know it took a lot for him and I really did appreciate it.

When the time for the talk came Col called me and D (the other person who was being Baptised) to the front and introduced us, then handed the microphone to D who spoke for a while and then became emotional. I put my hand on his shoulder and felt a huge lump in my throat. Oh heck I thought I haven’t even started mine and I’m off on one already. Then it was my turn, my voice was shaky for a while and I did falter once or twice but I did it, I got the whole thing out and I was so chuffed because I wanted more than anything to share my story.

Then it was off to get changed into pool gear for the most important bit of the day, my life long friend Wendy was also coming into the water with me as she was the person who was most significant in my giving my life to God. I have no words to describe how it felt when I came up from the water, I just threw my arms in the air and jumped up and down ecstatically, this was the icing on the cake, the thing I have looked forward to for ages and I felt so full of pure joy.

I'll add my testimony to my other blog later for anyone who would like to read it.

Love to all.

Big day for me tomorrow

Tomorrow is a very important day for me, I'm going to be Baptised in my new church and its something I've been looking forward to for a while now. At our church we have the option to share our story or not and I've chosen to talk about mine because I think its a positive (for me) that came about after something which was as negative as it gets, losing my son. I'm nervous about speaking in public, just in case you missed the 100 or so times I've said that I thought I'd throw it in again, but I so want to do it and I will.

I'm not going into the details of my testimony on here but will post it on my quiet time blog in a few days time if anyone would like to read it.

If you pray say a wee one for me for courage and strength because it will be a bit emotinal methinks.

Arghhh!!

Tips for talking in public needed urgently, c'mon all you who have done it.....help me ;-)

Line dancing tonight, that'll take my mind off it.

Love to all.

First taste of line dancing tonight and I'm loving it, we (note I'm already one of them) are called The Elton Eagles and I will have a black t-shirt with the name printed in gold. The men wear these black boots with long pointy toes and there's loads of bits and pieces like hats, shiney metal edgings on shirt collars, badges and of course country music. I'm well excited and can see myself in years to come doing the forward box, the shuffle, the heel toe double and the side step backwards with a quarter turn......in my dreams! Its been great fun tonight and I loved it, its good to tryitandsee.

We did the castle, no dungeons, stone walls, pigeons, stone walls, steps, more stone walls etc..... I did however conquer one of my all time phobia's as I bravely climbed very narrow dark staircases whilst grabbing a rope and repeating 'I can't do closed in' and 'arghh! I don't like being this high up' in fact thats two isnt it. Major getting over phobia's day for me, I just kept thinking c'mon girl you're only here once get over it and it worked........Yippeeee!

I have no idea why I was smiling at this bit of wall, John talks to trees, I smile at walls thats why we get on so well.

Mike's answer to my whinning that I couldn't do heights 'just do it mother' so I did......

Wake up its a beautiful morning.....

We planned to do a castle today, the men wanted one with dungeons and not too far away, after googling last night I decided on Conwy, no idea if it has dungeons but there's a beach and many food places... sorted. Naturally its lashing down just now because its the weekend but I have a sneaky feeling the sun might put in an appearance later so I'm voting to go anyway.

Have a good Saturday everyone.

Garden stuff

I made a start on the secret garden at the weekend, well on the entrance to it anyway.

Before

After

The sun creates havoc in our pond, its as green and gooey as anything. We've tried everything apart from chemicals, then I remembered something my second aunty once told me, get some straw (I had loads of that due to 6ft grass being cut and dumped here and there), roll it into a parcel and put it in tights. Lower into the pond and within a couple of weeks it will be clear.

A wasps nest right above where I was working all day, John says they're made out of chewed up wood so we're looking for the hole in the cabin now. Cute wee thing isnt it.

This post has taken nearly a week to get to publishment because of a very bad pc, power cuts (due to electrical storms) and I'm back at work so life is busy busy busy!!

Love to all.

Meeting oneself coming back from holiday before you go.

At work today I was astounded!

I’m covering the next two weeks for someone who is about to fly off to a sun drenched beach somewhere much nicer than Chester. I was excited for the person and arrived singing something about a Summer holiday…..Oooow I said, not long now and you’ll be off, are you in holiday mode then.

The reply was astounding!

Hmmpf!! all I keep thinking is this time next week I’ll be entering my second week and then home.

‘YOU HAVENT EVEN GONE YET FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!’

I was astounded!

I’ve been trying to think of something a bit more negative to beat this one, its going to be hard but I’m determined to come up with a better one by tommorra.

Night All.
Astounded – Chester.

Its all go here.

Ive had a busy old weekend, we went to a National Trust thingymajig on Saturday.

Ducks

John talking to a tree

I want this in my garden.

Me in a den

This looked like a duck on a ledge from a distance, honest.

Deer

The effective way to teach Health & Safety (the white sign says 'If you come near me I'll kill you) charmin.

Hat.

Saturday night I went to a wedding reception at our local community centre which gave me terrible problems at church the next morning. I normally go off into a dreamlike state when we sing, I close my eyes and kind of sway and its the most wonderful feeling ever. This week though due to the thundering disco noise the night before I had no balance so had to grip the back of the chair in front of me and keep my eyes wide open just to stay upright, anyone with bad tinitus will understand that one. Church was brilliant again this week, for anyone interested in why I thought so I'll be putting it on my other blog later.

studentness

Its official, I'm now a student it says so in the letter that postie brought this morning. I have to start reading psychology, sociology, biology and other ologies......in preparation for September. I'm excited, but my blog may become a bit too intellegent for my readers as my brain starts to expand - yeah right!

Have a good Saturday everyone, we are going National Trusting today despite the fact that its lashing down here.

Nosey parkers.

What about this Google thing ‘Street view’

When I first read it I wasn’t sure I liked the idea, I thought it was a bit cheeky actually and the pictures of the Google car’s with the 3D camera’s going up and down the roads taking pictures of our houses and cars unnerved me a bit. Now I’m going to have to make sure I take my curlers out and get out of my pj’s if I want to add something to my brown bin, just in case its that day that they are in our road. I’ll have to wash the care an all because I parked under a tree on Thursday and every pigeon in Birkenhead had a poo on it.

Blimey, what’s the world coming to.

Edit
My windows are not getting washed. I advise everyone else not to clean theirs.

Housey House.

It’s been a well exciting week so far this week, so good that I can barely restrain myself from bubbling over with hysteria and delight in fact.

As with most of the country we’ve had a monsoon descend on Chester so no threshing about in the soil or smelling the lovely cut grass, I don’t mind though because I’ve been doing the domestic scene with a smile (cos we're still in Love month) I just couldn't wait to get the marigolds and apron on, yeah right! For three day’s now I’ve dusted, hovered, mopped, ironed, cooked, sorted out mounds of paper and been to the tip so many times that Erick (the man who sits in the kennel telling you which skip to use) and I are on first name terms. ENOUGH!!! That’s my contribution for the rest of this year, I hate loath and despise housey stuff and I’m doing no more.

I finally dragged myself back to the gym today, (mainly to avoid finding another job to do in the house) and was dead chuffed to find I could still swim a mile, which incidently is 60 lengths, hardly surprising with all the legging round housewifeing. I'm going to try to push it to 70 lengths over the next couple of weeks and if I do it I'll award myself the most expensive dish in the restaurant and a cake, yummy I look forward to that providing I'm not being stretchered out.

Tomorrow is mum day, she gets to choose what we do on a Thursday so this week I’m off to The Bingo........hmmmm!!

‘I’m so excited an I just can’t hide it’

Line dancing might be on the cards because I was very impressed with Margaret's moves at the barbecue, its bound to be easier than belly dancing and I already have some cowee gear.yeeeeeehah.

A perfect day.

Did I ever mention that I love my new church, well I do. All this week there’s been a marq, marc, erm……big tent in a park where about eight churches have got together and each night there has been a joint service. Unfortunately I could only make it on one of the night’s, that was Tuesday and the speakers for the night were Paul Jones and his wife. Now I knew I knew the name and I was also pretty sure he was a singer from way back but like many others couldn’t quite place the group he was in. According to Paul on his travels nobody else could remember either so he gave us a quick rendition of ‘There she was just a walking down the street’ and we all bellowed ‘Doo ah diddy diddy um diddy do’ oh yeah! It was Manfred Man, silly.

Col, our pastor was to introduce Paul and his wife and he came to chat with us before things got underway. I have a bit of something up my sleeve he said and pulled out a mouth organ, by the look on Liz’s face (Col’s wife) she didn’t think it was a brill idea, but he said I might or might not do it and I think she hoped he wouldn’t. Naturally he did and to be fair he was pretty impressive. I have to say at this point that Col is a great inspiration to me, apparently he used to be a very quiet member of the church who never put himself forward. I’m guessing he was shy and not at all an extrovert. But week after week he shows no sign at all of the person he used to be as he sings, speaks, comforts, cries and is never ever afraid to show emotion, that has a very liberating effect on me and no doubt many others because to be able to just be yourself and know for certain that nobody will think you are weird is something so special and I love it.

This morning was a chance for all the churches to set up a bit of an exhibition around the tent, we had a band, some solo singers and much mingling went on. The atmosphere was magic because although all the churches there today do it slightly different our aim was to unite and we did big time.

Tomorrow morning starts at 10am and I’ll be there……..I’ll be theeeere

Love - Part whatever.

Well the starting the day with a cheery note and feeling the Love has been dead easy recently, the get together was fab and I thoroughly enjoyed it. What comes better than getting many people (family & friends) together in the great outdoors with music and food, its priceless. I did stop for a moment and nearly went very sad when I thought about Chris not being there, but then I looked around and realised once again that most of the beauty in our garden was put there by him and his mates. He’ll always be right there with us when we’re in the garden and in my head I said thank you babe for giving us this little haven. Then I was happy again.

Although playing hostess is a wee bit stressful I have to admit I love it, I’m into doing the food and I love walsing round chatting so we’re planning another one around the beginning of August, just got to get a theme organised. On the Sunday we had a couple of mini get togethers to finish off the nibbles and of course I still had to be taught how to play poker. Well……..I can get the bit about making a hand with the cards that are on the table, but as for the betting bit, it defeats me, I just don’t get it. Raise, call and whatever else seems to cost you and the chips were going in at a frightening speed, I didn’t understand when I had to match a bet and when I didn’t and it confused me no end when the chips I’d already put it were counted as some of my stake thing. Oh nooooo!! Poker’s not for me, I’ll stick to what I know.

I’m off out with my mum today armed with the mobility bike, now that’ll be a test for the cheery note and share the love won’t it, because in my experience as with wheelchairs, some people are convinced that if they just keep on walking they will be able to morph right through it. My mum’s an expert though, its no end of fun to watch faces as she ploughs on regardless.

I plucked one eyebrow last night because it was getting on my nerves, I did intend to do the other this morning but I’ve made a conscious decision to leave it as it looks like I’m winking in a slightly surprised way and will add to the humour of the day.

Have a good un.

LOVE to all.